Well last nite my Honey called me @ close to 12 am.
((central time. In Mexico they have not changed the clocks yet so it was almost 11pm..)) Anyway my S15 brings me the phone and I am sleeping of course.
I say hello and the first thing I say is where are you? (thinking he is on the road..)
And he says in his Baby voice he uses with me alone " I am still here."

UuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I wanted to scream ( I am a reformed control freak...) and I just played along and said you big dork what are you doing there when you are supposed to be on your way here? And he said I know I am sorry..

he said he would call me in the morning and he promised he would be leaving TODAY. and I said teasing him back are you sure?? Cause if you dont leave tomorrow ,,, when you call I wont answer the phone I will throw it out the window ya know with my great Wisconsin accent and half asleep mind you... and he just laughed and said OK OK....

He called me @ 7:30 this morning and he was being sweet and flirting incessantly with me. He told me he would be leaving in a little while but he was going to sleep some more... so he was just calling me to say hi... How sweet.
He also told me he will be staying with his cousin who lives in a border town tonite and then try to drive straight thru here. I said well that sounds like a good idea and a tiny part of me felt insecure... But I took a deep breath and never let on.

THE OW lives less than an hour away.
But if I live in reality ~
which I do~

I know that she ( OW ) is friends with my SIL and that she could have talked to him on the phone when she calls the parents house etc. etc.
(My H was staying with his parents and my SIL lives there too.) Or she could have went to visit too. So just the proximity makes me a little nauseuos.I KNOW it is going to be ok but it just takes me back to last year around this time.

I do appreciate him telling me his itinerary. He has changed alot. He never used to tell me much. Yuck.

~~~~ b/c last year around this time.... (April 14- May 1st. to be exact)
He went to Mexico and he never even told me or invited the kids or I.
It took me 3 days to track him down like a was a P.I.,, I was worried sick.

He picked up OW on his way to his parents house for his sister.
I spoke to him for over an hour and he claimed he was not with anyone but not going to fight for this M that he had been fighting too long.
I was mortified b/c he had just had an EA from January 15 to Feb 14 and I had just found out about that one shortly before and then this.
He dropped her ( OW) off on his way back into the country... started his affair with her and dropped the bomb on me.
So as it is getting closer to those days I dunno why but I feel strange... not like it is going to repeat itself but like I need to hold my breath until those days go by.
Yes I know not very rational ~
Have any of you ever felt this way?

Anyway back to present time.. he just called again and said he bought me all the Mexican Candy I wanted.
Some cheese too and other treats. This is a first for him he never has done this , not once!
On his way down he asked me what I wanted but he usually does this and then he never follows thru. But this time when he left he had a different enthusiasm about his voice when he asked like he actually meant it and was not just saying it.Then just a week ago he asked me if I wanted anything in particular? And I told him candy and lots of it.. I love mexican Candy.
This alone even though gifts are not my LL.. means so much to me that he followed thru and took time to do something for me.
Scary really....
When he called this morning he said he was going to x, y, z and &((*(*%^$%# me til I could not take anymore..... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH

Now that is more like it. ;\) I guess my hard work is paying off and being more secure is paying off too.
I still need to keep working on me though.. I have to keep that present in my mind and not fall back into old patterns...
GOD bless....