Still Alive IV: Hairdog

[fearless]

BB,

I did not think NOP was saying to de-escalate but I thought he captured the idea that this is escalation and what the effects of escalation may be. Thanks for keeping me on my toes although that is preventing me from answering your other questions!

And definitely I would NOT propose going back to what he has been doing. It clearly has not worked for either of them! As far as the de-escalation I brought up was not to AVOID the subject but to look at it from a different view point and concentrate on areas that may be less contentious. KEEP focused on the problem but look at the root causes and not directly at the problem.

My impression from HD's e-mail to Ms HD's response to some of HD's proposed responses was an escalation of personal feelings so each person would feel they have to dig in their heels to PROTECT themselves. That was why I proposed the simple e-mail addressing a possible core communication issue. Does MsHD understand what HD is asking for - 1) he does not want her to do something she does not want to 2) he possibly (I do not think I got a conclusive answer) does not believe that she loves him.

Does anyone here REALLY believe that it is so simple for MsHD to just turn off all of her feelings and just begin making love to HD tonight AND that all their problems would be solved? It seems she does have some serious issues that deserve to be considered. I am not talking about the "feminist rhetoric" which is just a smoke screen. I am talking about really hearing what is going on in her life. She desires time outdoors with nature and yet does not have that connection or time. If that desire is not met, she could subconsciously not feel as connected to herself and therefore HD. Just a thought. I would guess their may be many reasons.

As well as HD. Does he have things in his life that bring him a sense of accomplishment? Despite the issues in his marriage, where does he have a feeling of self-worth, direction ,etc.?