NOP,

THANK YOU. I was just writing this post to ask if I am the only one who would at least propose the option of de-escalation.


HD,
You thought about an e-mail to her that says:

My options seem to be:
1. Keep quiet, never bring this up again, and stay in this marriage,albeit unhappily.
2. #1, plus, take a lover and suffer the guilt that accompanies that, but stay in the marriage.
3. Take you up on your offer in your last email to have sex with you while you "grit" your teeth.
4. End the marriage.


I just reread and saw that you considered this in your response.

Why put your options out there for her and why are you escalating this situation to an immediate win/lose proposition? This looks (I am not saying that you mean it this way) like you are making this her decision in a passive-aggressive way or that you are threatening her with divorce immediately. Take a step back and take ownership of this decision and decide whether you are ready, willing and able to make this decision immediately. If so, then I guess go for it. (Edited to add - meaning take NOPs advice and decide on option #3 right now.) If not, why not keep the focus on specific less volatile issues which FEED the main issue.

Just my humble opinion

Last edited by fearless; 03/20/07 05:11 PM.


But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus