I listened to a chunk of Mating in Captivity this morning on the way to town, and I heard something that made me have benevolent feelings toward Mrs. HD and a teeny, weeny 4-watt light bulb came on over my head.
One thing you have to say for Mrs. HD is that she will NOT have inauthentic sex. If she doesn’t feel like it, she bydamn won’t do it. Now she’s going about it in a heavy-handed way, but the fact is, she is holding y’all’s sex life to a very high standard, and she won’t put out until that standard is reached (which, granted, may never happen).
MiC talks about how Americans are very goal-oriented and driven. Even with the problem of sex and desire, we divide it into parts, apply practical solutions to each part, and voila! “the thing should start now!” She said problems of desire cannot necessarily be solved in a systematic, just-do-it kind of way (apologies to Michele). Desire is wild and cannot be manufactured or controlled.
If you happen to be in Borders and pick up a copy of MiC, read the case of Ryan and Cynthia (at least I think it’s Cynthia… the guy is Ryan for sure). Their SL had fallen off due to children, and they really missed the passion of their early pre-child days. (The sitch is NOT totally like yours.) Ryan started having fantasies about a mutual friend that Cynthia had gone to school with, Barbara. Both women had been in the Peace Corps. Cynthia came home; Barbara never did, and led a free, unfettered life—but she was also single, childless, and unanchored. Ryan developed a crush on Barb and couldn’t stop thinking about her. (This made me think of you saying you were ripe for an A—that feeling may not be a bad thing, although of course, acting on it would not be good). Ryan went out to dinner with the two women. After a bottle of wine, Cynthia started opening up to her friend about how she wondered if her life with Ryan and the kids was worth it. She felt confined, tied down. She envied her friend with her free life. Ryan was stunned. If they had been alone, he probably would have interrupted her, but since Barb was there he just let her talk. And of course, if they had been alone and not drinking, C probably wouldn’t have said anything. As she talked, he began to feel very close to her, knowing that SHE felt confined just as he did. He was hurt a little bit that she didn’t acknowledge the sacrifices HE had made and what he had given up for her (he gave up acting to become a lawyer), but the main effect of the experience was to enable him to see her as A Stranger… he lost his crush on Barb and wanted his w more than he had in ages. He also had the insight that if he had married Barb, he’d probably be lusting after Cynthia.
The question I would ask you about your W is: when does Mrs. HD feel MOST FREE?
