Yeah I should have said that part of the issue is: you are not getting something you want from your W and that that issue makes you doubt how your W feels about you. I agree that it may not be the whole or main issue.
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The actual problem is that MsHD utterly invalidates HD's desire for sex. This is exactly the same as telling him how he should or shouldn't feel.
Wouldn't the actual problem be WHY MsHD feels she needs to invalidate HD's desire? (My xH felt a need to totally invalidate my feelings because my hurt feelings caused HIM to feel extreme pain which he unconsciously needed to avoid to protect himself. Whew. It seems convoluted but it is what was happening in his head)
This is where I think both of them are probably part of this issue. Of course her extreme views on sex and men are an issue. This just screams to me as someone whose is not comfortable with being a woman. Has MsHD always had this extreme hatred and disdain for sex in their relationship? If not, then there are probably other issues where HD can help.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus