Choc, It takes that because until it gets to the breaking point, the spouse hasn't a clue how much it is hurting. To her, it is more just an itch that would feel good to be scratched, not an overwhelming need. She can't understand why you are making a big deal about it because she doesn't feel the same need. When you reach the breaking point, she gets a glimpse of how much you are really hurting, and that is a sharp reminder that you are wired differently than she is. A traumatic event like a threat of divorce is seen as a loud cry which forces a level of communication that may normally be missing.
Intellectually, I know MrsGGB's LL is acts of service. I know this is how she feels loved, but I don't always "get it". To me, it usually feels more like charity or a chore. I do it when I remember to, but more times than not it isn't even on my radar because to me it isn't a need. Likewise, MrsGGB doesn't really "get it" with my need for PT and QT. She does it when she remembers or is reminded, but it doesn't come naturally to her. We are both better at meeting the other's LL when our communication is stronger. I think that is because intimate communication gets us more in tune with each other so that we are a little more capable of feeling what the other is feeling.
Think about what your W's LL is. How natural is it for you to express your love in her LL? I bet it takes a ton of effort on your part to do it without occasional reminders, and to do it fluently so that it doesn't come across as patronizing.
