I'm really sorry that this is how your wife has responded.
Why do you feel you need to explain ANYTHING to her? Or to justify to her (or to us) that the reverend's statements are ANYTHING AT ALL like your situation?
"Grit her teeth", good god. I think you should respond with a terse "Thank you -- that helps me understand. I'm really sorry you feel this way. -- Hairdog".
And then let her wonder where your head & heart are at. She is going to seek some add'l affection with you, and she's going to seek your response, so she can "a", debate it, and "b" hopefully draw some comfort from it. I wouldn't give her that reassurance.
