The darkness does not endure!

[BeingMe]

Journalling ....

So, we had our talk, and I tried to make it as clear as possible, where I stand on our R. I still need for him to make a much better effort at righting the wrongs (and he knows exactly what I mean). I asked why he never comes to me, and checks how things are going, and he used his usual excuse of not liking confrontation. That excuse is wearing somewhat thin. I told him when last did he see me get angry, that he should be afraid to talk to me about us. He continually tells me he is sorry for what he has done, and I continually tell him that I know, but I want to see some action that will prove it.

Ultimately, I told him that I have no intention of leaving right now, but a time will come when he will have left things too late, and that this is a pre-warning. I am not going to wait around forever, having my needs totally ignored, while he happily does what he wants (as long as I toe the line). I told him that if he has a problem where ML is concerned, then he should seek help, or if he feels that he doesn't love me, and just wants our M for the sake of the children, then he must let me know. At least, it will give me the opportunity to move on.

Quite honestly, I am fed up at the moment. I tried so hard to win him back (and succeeded). No stone was unturned in my quest to right what I had made wrong in our M. I made so many changes within myself, and learned so much about myself. I am so much stronger for it. But, he doesn't do anything to make amends for what he did. I had my faults, but I never went outside the M to find an answer to my unhappiness. I would rather be alone and happy, at this point, then with someone who is lukewarm about our R, because in the end, that would make me resentful. Sometimes, I wonder what I won back.

Ah well, I will soldier on and deal with whatever happens, as and when it occurs. Not much else I can do. In the meantime, I will continue with my GAL goals.