The whole desire thing is so incredibly complicated. Do we all want to be desired, probably. Can we ask for it, probably not. But what is a relationship without desire?
No, desire isn't something one can ask for. It is something that happens when one is desirable. I would advise that you stop laying all the blame for your SSM on your wife. Doing that just makes you even more undesirable.
Us HD's are supposed to ASK for what we want
Absolutely. If you don't ask she won't know. Don't assume she can read your mind. Tell her.
but the faact that we have to ASK for what we want means the LD person has ALREADY failed.
You couldn't be more wrong. This is one of the things that used to tick me off when I was lurking here. Some people seem so quick to just blame the LD person for the SSM. It takes two.
I can only speak for my own sitch here....but I truly DID NOT understand what my H was feeling. I just didn't. If you are just complaining and griping to your wife and acting like it's all her fault (and that's kinda what H did) that will only push her further away. Might as well just get used to things the way they are and stop talking about it.
If you truly want to try to improve your SL you need to sit down and talk to your W. Or write her a letter. Don't attack her, don't whine, don't criticize, and lose the sarcasm. Tell her how you FEEL. How do you feel? Unloved, lost, in pain, sad, angry, afraid? Do you even know? If you don't know, you won't be able to communicate it to her in a way that she will understand.
Whining and griping is fine if you need to vent. Everyone needs to do that from time to time. Beyond that, IMO, it's just wasted energy.
