New to Piecing II

[COG]

Journal:

Well I took Frank's and other's advice and put it to test this weekend.

I started flirting with her almost as soon as I got home on Friday. Just used some of the things Frank mentioned plus some of my own creations. At one point on Saturday I approached her with a little flirt. She gave me a funny look and said she was'nt sure what kind of game I was playing. I said I just like what I see and she should just play along with me. She said OK.

It sort of came to a head (no pun intended) on Sunday. The kid's were all out, and W was in the garage. I came up on her took her in my arms and via Frank I said, "I know you want me right now, like in the old days I would take you down right now, but too bad we can't do that now", and I walked away and left her there in heat. But I made the mistake of turning around and going back for more at which time she shrugged me off.

So then she gave me a little attitude for awhile and I pulled her aside again in the bike shed. I asked her what was bothering her. She explained that "you know how my feelings area"(she does'nt have the feelings she needs to by physically intimate) and she hates it when she has to stop my advances. So I said that I'm not wanting her to be uncomfortable or pressured, but I dig her and I want her and I'm going to get her, and I'm NEVER going to stop pursuing her so "you should just get over it". I also told her that it's not going to be so easy for her from now on, I'm not going to be easy, she's going to have to work for it. Her response, "okay".

So I'll keep up the offensive for awhile because I think it may take us somewhere. I definately don't see there were any negative ramifications, and I think she'll play along and see where it takes us. Under normal circumstances she does'nt like my advances partly because I would get that depressed and rejected look when I got shot down. Well this weekend I was on fire and NOTHING could get me down. I just kept on going and going.

One thing's for sure that I feel better about it, gives me a little more control. I just have to have extra tough skin at PMS time.

Thanks Frank and all the rest of you my friends. She's gonna fall!

God Bless,

COG

[WCW]

Easy COG, slow and steady wins the race. This isn't a sprint to the first turn for position, you want her to stay with you the whole race, tease her the whole way, stay neck and neck, and on the final turn into the home stretch tighten up your reins a little and let her inch ahead and take the lead. IOW, don't expect immediate results, it might be days/weeks based on your history.

In my example, I flirted and teased H a little yesterday, it was this morning before he came to bed and we had some sexual PT. I have to let it be his final idea though or he creates miles of distance. So in the theory of alpha male vs alpha female, am I alpha by leading and showing him what I want but then back off to let him take over and be alpha? or is this referred to pursuit in the DB book? I get sooooo confused.

[COG]

WCW,

Easy COG, slow and steady wins the race.

Very good advice, well taken. I know slow and steady, just look at my history. It's an ebb and flow. I'm staying very alert to her feelings. At the same time, this weekend was a statement! COG's coming out party. I've been immobile, now I'm on the move. So far the signs are positive.

or is this referred to pursuit in the DB book?

Don't think so. I think pursuit is when your S is moving away, and you keep after them. Don't think that's your case or my case.

I definately see the need for flirting in my case. I have'nt done much at all the past five years. Her rejection always defeated my futile attempts, but no more! I can tell how out of shape I am in that department. It was pretty uncomfortable to flirt with her, it's been a very long time. But it worked out fine. I just have to make it part of the normal routine again, because I'm a natural born flirt.

One thing is for sure, I would'nt have tried this level of flirting with her two years ago. She would have stomped it dead right off. What is encouraging to me this time, is that she's allowing it, and actually played along with it a little. It's baby steps. Last night I could tell she was tired and not feeling very well so I backed off. Gave her some space and just asked her how her tummy was feeling and wished her a good nights sleep.

I really admire how you've figured out a way for you. You flirt a little, then wait for your H take over the alpha position. It's good that you understand what works for you, and are patient enough to wait for it. I will definately try to be as aware as you are in finding an approach that works. That's the ulitimate goal. It's not domination it's finding an approach that works!

Love,

COG

[COG]

I kind of see this current chapter as standing up against a bully. There comes a time when it's enough! You'll not stand for anymore. That's the message I wanted to get across this weekend. "I'm a man, I want you, I'll never quit romancing you, so it's time to let go and play along". I was pretty bold. Called her on some things. Like one morning she came into the bedroom in a towel, grabbed her clothes and headed back to the bathroom. I stopped her and said, "and you can stop wearing that towel like a scared little girl, and start being naked when you want to be". Now that's a VERY bold statement out of me. Two years ago that would have had long standing negative repercussions. But this time her answer was "OK".

Well she has'nt dropped the towel yet, but she will, oh yes, she will! The most important thing is that she did'nt hold a grudge about it, did'nt treat me like a pervert, or a controlling jerk. She knows I'm right, and it's got her wondering. She wants to have the "feelings" again so that's my focus. I think this current direction might get us one step closer to that.

I'm gonna keep working hard at the romance, flirting, etc. Subtle, fun, creative, and a variety of things. I bought some of her favorite candy and put it under her pillow for tonight. All ideas are welcome.

I'm gonna be like that bag of french fries in the car on the way home. I should'nt eat those, but they smell so good, don't eat them, don't eat them; well maybe just one........

God Bless,

COG

[happy_again]

you are really doing a good job at getting her attention.telling her what she wants instead of you waiting for the crumbs.

[COG]

I need to edit this:

So I said that I'm not wanting her to be uncomfortable or pressured, but I dig her and I want her and I'm going to get her, and I'm NEVER going to stop pursuing her so "you should just get over it".

COG's memory edited:

So I said that I don't want her to be uncomfortable or pressured, I want her to be turned on, because I really dig her, and I want her, and I'm NEVER going to stop romancing her so "you should just get over it".

That's more accurate as to what I said.

Thanks,

COG

[frank_D]

cool. keep on keeping on.

[COG]

Journal: Well I kept it light last night. W was busy with life. I just asked her how her day went and then listened and acknowledged her.

Here's a good one though. I bought her some of her favorite candy and hid it under her pillow. As she was getting the bed ready I was there waiting to see her response. She takes off the top pillows and the candy box was sitting there partly exposed. When I saw it I started to smile a little smirk. Well she saw me smirk, but did'nt see the candy. She thought it was my "I want sex" smirk, so she leaves the room as goes out to the garage. Well I knew what she was thinking and why she left the room so I just went to the living room and turned on the TV. Eventually she came by and asked if I was going to bed. So I got up and walked to the bedroom. She still had'nt seen the candy, but there was a bowling ball sized chip on her shoulder. Well she looked down and saw it, and then she knew she'd been convicted. She said, "that's why you were smirking right"? I said, yep. So then she was very grateful, and apologized, and it was a warm goodnight, two kisses and a cuddling. Also opened the door to some positive conversation.

My main point was that it's not OK with me that we just stay together for the kid's sake. I did'nt threaten leaving or D, but I reaffirmed how much I loved her, how I admire and support her, and how things are changing within me. But that also it was time for OUR R to change. I told her that she was made for me, and she agreed.

I'm taking the lead, but I'm leading as a Godly man should lead, not as a selfish child would lead. It's something new, and I feel it's right. It is'nt comfortable yet, building passion, but like anything new it'll become second nature. She's never felt passion like what's in store for her.

The fire still burns!

Love,

COG

[Heywyre]

Way to go COG - she is indeed a VERY lucky woman

[COG]

Thanks Heywyre!