Morning my friend. Sorry things are as confused as ever. I agree that you need to separate the fear out from your other emotions.
When my W went I was a real mess in utter panic for 24 hours and I cried more than I ever have in my life. But then the next day I suddenly felt like a bit of a weight had been lifted and I could breathe again. As you know, I've been up and down since but there's a lot to be said for knowing where you stand.
BTW your 'OM is a great guy' theory is rubbish and you need to stop thinking that way. He is a flawed human being like the rest of us. He had a relationship with a married woman, for goodness sake.
And if you need something to boost your self esteem and PMA really throw yourself in to your kids. They need you now more than ever before.
