I’ll try to answer your questions. My son is taking it Ok, when he’s around me I answer the questions he has and try to remove any feelings he may have that it’s something he’s done.
My wife was required by the state to go to AA meetings and other state mandated alcohol abuse classes. She went and filled the squares but felt that it did not apply to her.
My main stated complaint after our big fight on 20 December is that I have been depressed for several years and she has had to, “jolly me up.” I would say I have been depressed; I have let events in my profession get to me. I have been seeing a psychologist since the fight trying to get myself right. But the main reason for wanting a divorce is the fight of 20 December, she can not get over it, here’s exactly what happened.
In early December I woke up and it felt like I had been hit in the ribs with a hammer. I assumed it was just an ache associated with getting older. On December 20th my pension was officially terminated and handed over to the PBGC a pseudo government agency. My retirement will now be a fraction of what it was. And the pain in my ribs was still there. I looked on the net to try to find out what it was. My self diagnosis was an inflammation of the sac encasing the lungs. It said it was probably viral, if not that then it could be a cancer. I tried to talk to W that morning about it but she was busy and blew me off.
Later that night she brought it up. And I told her that it was probably viral but if it was the other thing (cancer) I would rather just go than be treated (being butchered in a hospital was what was going through my mind). Her response was that I should get more life insurance. This upset me and my response was that her spending has prevented us from saving for a rainy day when I’m alive so why should I care what happens to her when I’m dead. And a fight was on.
I thought it was over by the time we went to bed, but the next morning she came to me saying that her suggestion that I come up with a budget for her was met with skepticism. This reignited the fight and it was becoming worse. She accused me of ruining Christmas and implied my son did not like me. She also began to take down Christmas decorations since, “I had ruined Christmas”. She also said she should put all the Christmas stuff on the brush pile and I should burn it. This angered me and I had to leave the house before I lost my temper and made things worse.
I left the house and went over to care for my mother. As I was leaving I saw she had put some Christmas decorations in the burning barrel. I came home a few hours later hoping she had cooled down. It was not the case. She had taken a nap and awoke madder than before, in a complete rage. My son and I were sitting in the living room and she grabbed a Christmas present and gave it to my son and told him to open it since I had ruined Christmas. She continued on a rampage and again I thought I should leave and let her cool down. I got my gym bag and left to go to the YMCA. When I left this time the fire had been lit in the burning barrel. After driving about fifteen minutes I felt guilty for leaving my son with my wife who had lost control. I was also very mad. I turned around and went home. When I arrived home I felt I had to stop the escalation before things went really bad. W was as mad as ever and I asked her to stop. She refused and I called the police.
The police came and I told him we had been fighting all day and that W was burning Christmas decorations and presents (I was wrong about presents she did not burn any of those). I also told the officer that I wanted the fight to stop before it went too far. W calmed down immediately and called my sister to come over. The officer did not want to leave for fear he would be called back, so I told him I would leave until my sister arrived. He agreed, I left and so did he. I returned about 30 minutes later and my sister was there. W came down and was calm and now said that was it, that was the final straw, the end of our marriage.
I have apologized many times for calling the police, but frankly things had become insane that night and I did not know how to stop the escalation. I wonder where it would have gone if I had not. What if I had lost it as well that night? But my wife can not forgive that act.
Thanks for all the advice, I have tried to do the things you have mentioned but I have not been perfect.
I have not helped the W move anything; it must be someone else’s sitch.
