Journey of a Happy Heart 2

[I_Still_Love_Him]

((((Nicola))),

maybe I'm wrong and it really is all about me.

You have to know by now, it is NOT all about you. Don't you dare go back there.

He has always shown some traits of the "soma" narcisist, who uses sex to get women. He has always been very flirtatious and gone from woman to woman (till me, which lasted 16 yrs, or 14 if you include the A he had at the end).

This sounds so much like my H. You and I wanted to believe that our Hs were capable of real love. They are not, at least not now. They are still acting like teenagers.

My H is high-achieving, yet felt like a fraude and was constantly afraid of losing his job, or thinking that others were out to get him. He was on meds for anxiety.

Nicola, this is so scary how similar our Hs are. My H's goal is to climb the corporate ladder yet he seems to piss a lot of people off and always talks about being afraid he will be let go. Med? Of course. Fraud? In my H's psychology assessment paper he said he was afraid that people would find out that he is a fraud. I never understood this. Anyways, sorry to hijack about my H but I just want to demonstrate to you that there are similarities with our Hs and they have both decided to take the same road. Again, not about YOU, not YOUR fault. Your H is so messed up.

He told me at one point shortly after he left that he doesn't know how to love, there's something really messed up inside him, he doesn't feel empathy. He said three months ago the same thing: he can't be in an intimate R b/c he can't share himself, there's something very messed up about him. Then, w/in a couple of weeks, he was dating someone knew (w/o telling me until I found out a few days ago). When I asked him about everything he'd said, he told me, "It changed."

Your H is right about one thing he doesn't know how to love and doesn't know WTH he's talking about It changed because nothing has changed.

Whoever and whatever he is right now, it's not for me.

You are right, Sweetie. You deserve so much more and he could be but he isn't right for you right now.

I do believe he still loves you but it is buried so deep with all the garbage. You have taken so much from him and never think that you failed him. HE FAILED YOU AND YOUR KIDS.

Love to you,
ISLH