Valentines day massacre

[outtaluck]

Ughh...did everything wrong this morning...
Started with the "I know who you're with...you don't have to sneak aroung" and progressed to me insinuating that I know people that know this guy...and watch out, he may not be the nice guy you think he is kind of thing. I have no idea who this guy is... could be a nice guy...do know that he's married with kids...and is older...but I acted like I knew everything but didn't want to say anything because it would make me seem like the bad guy. "Just be careful...maybe ask around about him...how much do you really know about him anyway besides what he tells you...

Then it got interesting....I started to come more from a place of a really well meaning friend than a jealous husband. The things I told her are things I would tell to anyone....

You DO have to be careful out there....it IS a game to some guys...most guys are not in it just for a friendship, they do expect it to turn sexual at some point...and if this guy is married he's already got the regular sex, just waiting for the prize at the end of this ride. Guys don't need another friend...they got other guys for that.

Regardless of my feelings about the situation, I feel she is so sweet and innocent...and in a very vulnerable place right now..and I told her so. I said she should really take time and just be by herself once I leave and not to rush into anything...that she deserves better than some married guy, and even better than me....which she does...which is why I'm determined to become a better man because of this....I don't want her to just come back and still not be able to offer her the kind of life that I want to be able to give her

I've been a jerk in soo many ways...but I don't want to see her hurt...by me or anyone else. This may come off as being a little manipulative, but honestly its not how I meant it....I want the best for her and I especially don't want to be the reason for any more of her pain.

So, we had a really good talk about men and woman in general....how an emotional attatchment can sometimes hurt more than a sexual fling and all kinds of stuff like that...

She ended up saying that I make a better friend than a husband...ouch, but true in many ways.

Don't know what to do at this point...but at least we ain't avoiding the elephant in the room....and there is some dialog going on...

I somehow feel a little better about the situation and I don't know why....still think it'll come to a seperation, but, I don't know....feels like we connected in a way that hasn't happened a long time.