Bizarre situation

[geordie]

So, the rollercoaster continues. H stayed til 10pm one night (usually leaves at 5.30 after looking after S1 when I come home)...there was no R talk for a few hours b/c he didn't want to start as there was so much to talk about. Eventually he did start......here's the basics:

- does not want to give up OW, has strong feelings for her
- H "thinks" that I will have to go to HI alone (need to go for work but was hoping it could be a 2nd honeymoon...not til Aug so thought I have time for things to work in that direction)
- I validated and listened. Told him I did not want to lose him but if that's what he wanted I would not stop him as I want him to be happy.
- Told him that we would need to see L and put house up for sale (he said he couldn't do that to me...couldn't see my lose the house)
- said he wants to "resolve" this situation (but said it in the context of wanting to be with OW)
- says that he is very stressed and he is becoming snappy with OW and he doesn't want her to see that side of him (whoa!! Still in la-la land me thinks!)

- BUT then he comes and sits by me and strokes my hand....
- tells me that he feels like he has been a different person and that he is starting to come out of a fog and see things differently
- is starting to resent OW for coming between H and S1
- angry at OW for handing herself to him and putting him in this sitch (???hello....??)
- doesn't feel like he deserves to have everything he has with me, S, house etc
- I made mention of his parents (who D after father ran off with 16yr old - when my H was 16yr himself )..said that while I am sure that his parents always loved him it makes me wonder whether they showed that in a way he could understand (yes, read the Five Language of Love book...it is WONDERFUL)....when I said that he burst into tears and told me that he never felt like they really loved him. (I think I hit a raw spot with that one)
- I actually showed him the DR book (for the first time)....and read the Marriage Map bit. He cried.....

When H left that night we hugged tight and I got the feeling that this whole sitch isn't over yet....he said we would continue to try and resolve it this weekend. (Fri/Sat when he is in town)

Since then, these past few days he has been calling and texting (incl using "babe" in texts and convo). He saw a framed photo of the 3 of us yesterday in my office and commented on what a nice picture it was. No more R convo this weekend (but good interaction) and he is at work now and I won't see him til Tues. He initiated a kiss on the (almost) lips tonight before leaving.......

Aaarrggghhhh....this is a hard sitch. I think that I would be better finding someone new and having those wonderful feelings again. But then I pinch myself and remind myself that those feelings don't last and it would be better to put effort into this M. I know that is the right thing to do. And it's what I want to do in my heart...I just wish it was in his too. But if I recall what our interactions were 6 months ago, this is pretty darn wonderful. So, patience, patience. A virtue I am finding it INCREDIBLY hard to get! I'm amazed that I have been able to listen and validate even when he talks about OW. Before reading DR and these boards, there is NO WAY I could have done it. Honestly. A big fear of mine is that by the time he is ready to come home, I will no longer want him. Is that normal too???