actually I want to make it work with H for d9 and for me. Can't see never loving H. Stuck with that, so to speak. I realize I could love someone else and I really do get that. But What I WANT is to give it a try with him up there, with lots of sunshine breaks so I don't go nuts, and making something professional happen up there that feels meaningful, and eventually returning here, where it feels like home to me. Not worried about people's opinions on me staying in California or them thinking I'm selfish. (OK, I guess if someone actually told me I was doing something "morally wrong", it would bother me a bit) No, but I am a bit worried about d's perceptions of me going on up there--being a doormat, caving in, etc.
In the end, I have to go on gut b/c the pros and cons are variable and endless and not all that easy to assess accurately. It's like you said, "hold your breath and jump in". Regardless of certainties. I HATE MOVING AGAIN...but hey, we were in the military so it's not like I don't know how to do it. So yes, looks like I'm going up there. If a betrayal of some sort happens between now and then, OR after, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I will not fall apart or go through this again, no matter what. Like you said, (or someone) "this MLC/LBSer thing is pretty much a once in a life time deal".
How are YOU and your H doing? Any anger triggers? And suggestions about handling them? A PMA is essential and really really easy to say. Not so easy to have. Can you give me the name of that other forgiveness book you recommended? I have one called "total forgiveness" but I think I need one with practical suggestions for dealing with the "surprise" triggers. Those things ruin my time NOW and that is just not okay. Same with going up there with a crappy attitude in front of d9. Hence the need to "get happy" with it. What most helped you with your H and feeling that you could trust enough to go forward? I know, NO guarantees and there never were any anyhow. Thinking there were guarantees was always an illusion. Got that. But just as there are red flags to us about bad things, there are signs of "making it" too. I know I don't want to be in a sitch like this again in 10 years. Man, life is toooo short. Already just have one kid left at home....can't believe how fast that went. See, there are times I wish I did have 8!!
Last but not least, I read somewhere about LBSers having MLCs of their own later on. I know I'll never give myself a label that justifies doing lousy things. But I think we LBSers do focus so much and so long on reconciling with WASs, we overlook the other things going on within. Like for one, when the WAS is gone and we don't know what the hell is going to happen, many of us GAL and start moving forward as if the WAS is not coming back. There starts to be an awareness that Not ALL things are bad without WASs there. In fact, we start to see the upside of making choices without having to think of our partners wants, or someone else's needs, etc. We start doing things we always wanted to do, pursuing new interests or old ones we had cast aside b/c we had new duties and had to care for our families, accomodate the spouses needs, or somehow had just let slide, erc. WE change. WE grow.
About 6 months ago I started to ask myself where I would like to live if I could live anywhere I wanted to...for the first time in 25 years, I just thought about myself, taking d9 with me and maybe teaching English overseas one semester a year, changing jobs/careers, marketing my screenplay here, moving back east to family, and getting my master's in theater, maybe a teaching credential. etc. I started to feel pretty good about my future, with or without H. Started directing and did some productions that went really well. Better than I could have hoped. Really helped provide a sense of direction, pardon the pun.
So, now that "we" are working things out, it changes things. I think it's what the guy meant when he talked of a MLC for the LBSer. He had moved on and when his wife came back he didn't know wth he wanted anymore. I'm not in that position, but I understand it.
Let me know what's going on with your business and what's the sitch with your H working from home? How is THAT going? And your older daughter with H, how is their R? What helped/hurt their R?
Hope all is well. Still, NO to Brazilian waxing....oooowwww just thinking about it. But hey, I AM....well, let's just say I'm "well groomed." Thanks for all your support. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
