Starting to really piece it back together

[ourcrisis]

heartbroken, i just reread your threads and you give me hope in my situation since it's quite similar to mine. i am so glad your hs wants to come back. It is good that he wants to end it with ow before coming home. To me, this shows he is thinking (not in the crazy state most men were in at one point or another). I would be careful about ow, let her do the pushing. she will only push him back to you.

[Heartbroken]

It's been a good weekend. I had him clarify why he wants his alone time and it's not to make his choice her or me - he's done that he says. H wants to work on himself and make sure she's done with the contacting before coming home. I know I need to let him set the timeline - it's just hard seeing him leave for 'his place'.

I went out last nite for St. Pat's and had a good time despite it mostly being couples! They all took care of me... H said he knows they wanted him to come to - he's not ready for that yet... It's a slow process...baby steps...

[Heartbroken]

Well I was really happy going to bed last nite H said that he should be away probably only one more month. I agreed to move back at the end of this month is too quick. But May 1st would be great!

But my happiness was dashed this morning already. I called him early - on his way to work and he said OW called last nite. Why he can't be honest and tell her we are reconciling is beyond me. H said he cannot be cruel - but I ended up telling him I feel her feelings are coming before mine. H just thinks she going to go away --she made it 6 whole days without contacting him - she's not just going to go away. Especially when they have a 20 min convo - how is she going to get his 'hints' when they are sooooo subtle...

I think H wants to test himself to make sure he is really over her. H keeps reassuring me that he is fine - but what he fails to realize is what this does to me and how deep it cuts...H says but I am with you - like I won the prize or something...This still all sucks when will it finally be better????

[Heywyre]

Heartbroken

You have one HUGE thing going for you that a lot of us don't and that's your H being honest with you. Yes, it doesn't feel good when you know she has been phoning him but at least he's telling you about it. And, no, perhaps he isn't being as straight forward as YOU would like but he is still being honest with you. I would give up just about anything to have a H that is honest and actually tells me the truth, even once in a while. This is a tough battle a lot of us are facing so stick with it and be thankful for the things you DO have not the ones you don't

[Heartbroken]

You are so right - thanks for putting things back into perspective for me. I do need to be thankful for the positives - what would I have given for this to have happened back in Dec. or Jan, right?! Thanks so much!

[Heywyre]

I am still waiting for it so, yes, be thankful

[lovelyolive]

I don't think OW get subtle hints do you? If H says it's over and yet still has these long conversations with her, don't you think SHE will still think that there is hope for "them"? My H's OW has her claws in deep. When he tried to break it off with her a couple of times before, she always "talked" her way back into his (our!) life. Just goes to show you that HE wasn't serious about ending it. I just told him to not even act like he's cutting ties with her unless he's serious about no contact at all..

It's so darn hard to be in your situation. You want to openly rejoice but you still have to be guarded. Good for you for giving him a deadline. Hang in there.. take it slow..

[KMFLA]

These OW never want to give up. The OW in my H life hung on for two years. Now mind you my H allowed this to happen. He said he avoided being mean and hurtful because all it did was make her angry and stir up the pot so he wasnt mean but at the same time wasnt kind and acted cold many many times. My H couldnt understand why she didnt take the hint. These OW see and hear only what they want to. On one occassion my H told the OW she was a tramp and he couldnt believe she continue to stalk him etc etc . She said she never wanted to talk to him again and then two weeks later she calls to say "hi". The OW want to believe that their guy is married to a wicked old witch and everything they do is because the wicked wife makes them do it. They cant admit that just maybe the guy really loves his wife and he finally realized that he (the H) made a terrible mistake. THe other thing the OW wants to beleive is that the H is going back to the wife just for the kids. THe OW interprets this as he still loves me but wants to be there for the kids and gives her hope there still is a chance.

Hang in there.

[Heartbroken]

Well H has agreed next call is to be 5 mins or less and then the next call will be "the wife and I have reconciled". If she calls after this news then I am already working on the speech I will give her. See what you probably forget it don't realize is that she was my friends for years b4 her and H hooked up. She betrayed my friendship and at least owes listening to me!! Doubt she will but I at least will try...

[KMFLA]

Just be careful because each time I told the OW what I thought of her continuing to contact my H surprisingly enough my H always got angry with me and it turned into a fight. I alway ended up thinking the OW got her way and came between my H and I.

I have to admit telling her how I felt and what a low life she was always made me feel good afterwards, but in the long run it didnt help.

The best thing to do is to let her know she isnt getting the best of you and you could care less about her. Difficult to do I know.

One time I walked into the grocery store and saw the OW and very nicely and loudly said Hello how are you Joanne and just kept walking. She about died and was so flustered... it was great !!