We have had a major argument today. It has lasted most of the day (not the rowing but the not talking time afterwards). I don't even really know why it happened or how it got to be a row. I kind of started it because I was upset about ML issue. H has gone out (was already planned not because of the argument) and we made up before he went but I feel so lousy. I was crying so much during it and H offered no comfort which made me feel completely alone and unloved. It was awful. I don't know if its just the pressure of waiting getting to me or what it is. I don't know why I can't be happy with what I have got. Well actually maybe I do. Our R wasn't right before. I often felt alone and that H didn't give me what I needed on an emotional level. It hasn't been like that since he came home - like we had both learned from the experience and wouldn't take each other for granted again. Today I felt like nothing had changed and never would and I felt like I was crazy for wanting this. Now I just feel confused and terrified that maybe I've fought all these months for something that doesn't exist. I feel like I've imagined all the good bits I clung onto and wanted back. Maybe they'll never come back. Or maybe this is just another down on the piecing rollercoaster.
Its still busted I know because H keeps saying we'll get there. Trouble is I keep thinking when?
We have had a major argument today. It has lasted most of the day (not the rowing but the not talking time afterwards). I don't even really know why it happened or how it got to be a row. I kind of started it because I was upset about ML issue. H has gone out (was already planned not because of the argument) and we made up before he went but I feel so lousy. I was crying so much during it and H offered no comfort which made me feel completely alone and unloved. It was awful. I don't know if its just the pressure of waiting getting to me or what it is. I don't know why I can't be happy with what I have got. Well actually maybe I do. Our R wasn't right before. I often felt alone and that H didn't give me what I needed on an emotional level. It hasn't been like that since he came home - like we had both learned from the experience and wouldn't take each other for granted again. Today I felt like nothing had changed and never would and I felt like I was crazy for wanting this. Now I just feel confused and terrified that maybe I've fought all these months for something that doesn't exist. I feel like I've imagined all the good bits I clung onto and wanted back. Maybe they'll never come back. Or maybe this is just another down on the piecing rollercoaster. 
