Just an example of a day here today. I got up on my only day off and cleaned the living room. I vacuumed the house. Did all the laundry. Did some yard work. Then I started to study. Hubby gets up and announces he was going to his friend's house to help him with something. He said I will be back at 4:30. I said good because daughter has to be at work at 5:00 and I am studying for the rest of the day. 4:00 rolls around and it is time to leave so I call him on cell and ask if he is near and he says no. I told him thanks a lot I am trying to study. I don;t have enough obligations so I will drive her to. Then I told him I just can't do this anymore with him. And told him don't bother coming home. I get home and he is here. Doesn't say a word of course. Just goes outside and fiddles with his car. Doesn't pick up a finger. Then asks younger daughter what I had planned for dinner. So she comes in and asks me. I told her ask her dad what he plans because I am studying.
I realized today that even with me going to school sure I feel good about it and is something I want to achieve for myself. But I also realized I am doing it with one foot out the door. Meaning I know I will make more money and be way more able to take care of myself and children on a financial basis. I don't want to be mom anymore. I love him I really do. But I feel like I don't know how to break the cycle I am in. I have troed many times to do things differently. Nothing works at all. He is one stubborn man. I can very much relate to MJ and the feeling like you have to carry your husband.
