Hey!I have been where you are. Sort of. I would like to validate your pain and hurt. That sucks that you do all the work to plan these activites and then it's like he takes credit for them and does not even share the enthusiasm with you. It seems he doesn't want to give you any appreciation or attention. No strokes.
I think your H does love you but has some truly major issues. Ofcourse I think you have some major issues that are hiding underneath your frustration with his issues. So perhaps it's time for both of you to heal.
I got the book for you. Men are from Mars and WOmen are from Venus.
I think things can get better:
One way to make certain that a man won't talk is to demand it from him.
Just talk and slowly he will open up.
The fact that he gets excited about the things you do together (though he only shows it to other people) lead me to believe that he would be up for the Appalachian trail etc.
You say he's never said how beautiful you are but often says I love you, you just don't believe it.
I think the going away for the weekend and talking about the R is awesome. He went! He listened. He didn't understand.
You asked him what he thought you wanted he said, I know what you want, a companion and then you scolded him like a little child and told him all all the things you wanted, which are things you get from a COMPANION.
When a man gets really selfish, it's because he's given up.
I can understand how confused and hurt he must have been. He was trying. He went away on a weekend with you. Allowed you to rant and rave about the R, he just doesn't know how to give you what you want. He doesn't understand. ANd he's afraid to try anymore.
What if when he had said the companion thing, you instead were, oh, yes, that is what I want, I want it so much, what make sa good companion? And then he could explain further.
Right now you are minimizing everytihng good about him and maximizing everything bad.
However, it's interesting because with the om, you are maximizing all the good, he talks to you, he understands, he reacts...and minimizing all the bad. He never says I love you, he cheats on his wife, he's hoping things will just fizzle out, cause you really aren't that important to him.
Look, ofcourse he's goin to say he's happy for you that you got in the paper. THat's easy to do with someone whose popularity doesn't affect your life in any way. Your husband may have not reacted because he already feels that the power is so far on your side that if he gives you any more strokes, you'll just think you are too good for him.
I think you are the perfect candidate for DBusting. Get out a journal. Write down the small things that you want to change, bring them down to baby steps and give it a try. Then notate what happens and stop going down cheeseless tunnels! Underlining things in a book that he doesn't understand? I think he just doesn't understand how to do this so he's given up. Ofcourse he needs intimacy everyone does. However, maybe something reallly really hurtful happened to him as a young child so he doesn't open up his feelings, to do so, would be an ocean of emotions which is just too scarey. Also, you're staying together for the kids, well, what kind of a father is he?
Now get out that journal and start working. Also! I think you should list down 5 qualities that you like about the guy, even though you also can't stand him. It could even be 5 good memories you have.
