An impromptu survey on early relationship issues

[fearless]

I am completely convinced that dealing with issues in a relationship as soon as they arise is completely prudent. Proactive addressing of potential issues at the start of a relationship appears to be the best all around approach.

Conversely, long term continuation of a relationship where one or both spouses will not actively address issues does merit the discontinuation of the relationship.

I completely agree with this conclusion.

If I look back on my years dating my xH, the biggest caution light for me should have been when my 23 year old boyfriend could not admit to his Dad that he drank AND was willing to let his best friend take the blame for bringing beer onto their property.(I forget where I posted this entire story) The fact that he thought it was "funny" that I was so bothered by it should have been another clue. And your point of addressing this issue at the time would have had tremendous impact to the rest of our relationship.

My newest working theory on lasting good relationships is that even if person has baggage, FOO issues, personal issues, etc., if these issues are identified and recognized, EVEN IF THEY AREN'T YET RESOLVED, then the relationship has a good chance of working. It's the unknown, ignored and covered up issues that are the relationship killers.

Coincidently I bought the Dalai Lama's new book "How to see yourself as you really are" at the airport on Thursday. Interesting concepts that are written in context to global issues but, I think, they can easily be applied to relationship issues as well.

"Even if you seek to help someone out of concern, without insight you cannot be very clear about what benefit will come from your efforts. A combination is needed: a good human heart as well as a good human brain. With those working together we can achieve a lot" and

"What makes all the trouble in the world? Our own counterproductive emotions... If we tried to counteract each and everyone individually, we would find ourselves in an endless struggle...However all counterproductive emotions are based on ignorance of the true nature of things...The antidote to ignorance addresses all troubles. This is the extraordinary gift of insight"



What do you think???