saying that "morality is not extreme" is a Great phrase. Granted, there are bigger things to worry about in the world, than couples living together before M, etc. And I feel hypocritical to feel this way, but if I were to date again, Way down the road--I think I'd want to KNOW that we were compatible in bed before making vows. Doesn't make me a slut but it is inconsistent with some of my other values. Since I hope never to confront this issue, I can shut up about it. But wanted to admit even I find gray areas. Still, even IF there are gray areas, there are also black and white ones too. There are absolutes. Love is good, hate is not. One thing I heard at a self improvement workshop (which was actually given by a therapist who was also a minister but never told anyone that in the workshop b/c so many people have baggage with organized religion) that was a modern way of talking about morality was this: "Broken agreements make messy lives." Ain't that the truth? The OW's perspective, when she is honest with herself, is strong evidence of that statement's truth. There IS such a thing as right and wrong.
My H is coming next weekend for d17's 18th birthday. So is my sil and niece so big talks won't happen. But that's okay. I think now for me and maybe you as well, is the time for just bonding with fun stuff done together, and building on it. Know what I mean? Renting some comedies to watch also. Laughing is SO important to do together, it's like mental foreplay to me. Well, these comments are better on a diff thread so I'll sign off this one for now. I notice the 2sided hasn't said much lately. I really hope and pray that she'll see her part in a bad situation, which could get so much worse for all concerned. Even if this guy is "the love of her life" (which I do NOT believe for a minute) it STILL would not be worth the pain she has inflicted.
Last note: My uncle left my aunt years ago, for another woman. Two things that might be of note to an OW are that 1) the OW married my uncle. A decade later she called my aunt to see if her H -my uncle- was there with my aunt. This meant he was still cheating on his wife, no matter who the wife was/is. My aunt said at that moment, she felt relieved to realize that if she had stayed married to my uncle, her M would have continued to give her heartbreaks. He had done her a favor. 2) even my uncle knew he'd caused a lot of pain in others. He confided in his mother, that "IF he'd known how much pain he'd be causing, he never would have left" my aunt. Food for thought. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
