My relationship, like most of yours, started out with issues.
The data in our micro-sample speaks for itself (all exceptions dealing with such a small set noted).
As LFL pointed out, the stats are stacked against relational longevity where there is significant baggage at the start. The reason I was curious about "normal" vs "abnormal" relationship starts expressed as a ratio in this micro-sample is because of a couple that provide relationship advice via a syndicated newspaper/magazine column.
In the column, there is an implied opinion that relationships that start off with issues should be stopped post haste, and the persons involved should move on to new relationships. This thinking seems to be a current trend among "experts". The pros and cons of this approach are obvious and myriad. I will leave those considerations to the reader or for later discussion.
What disturbs me is that some "experts", including this couple, appear to be taking an unproven approach to its logical conclusion. That would be to end even a long term relationship affected by an issue indicative of early problems (some examples include infidelity), with little or no consideration as to any potential for recovery of the relationship. The motivating principle being that "true love" has no such issues.
Since people are "driven" into relationships for many reasons, love, convenience, money, loneliness, pregnancy, proximity, fear, and other reasons, it seems that limiting a relationship's legitimacy to only "true love" is a rather limited view of reality.
I am glad that this micro-study included at least one relationship with a positive start, that is having difficulty (Choc).
My opinion is and was that a relationship is what you make of it, with some obvious exceptions. I also agree that the lesser the issues at the onset of the relationship, the greater the chances are for long term success. I remain unconvinced that stopping a relationship early on when some issues first appear is always appropriate. I am highly skeptical that always ending an older relationship because a problem arises due to an early unresolved issue bears any merit.
I am completely convinced that dealing with issues in a relationship as soon as they arise is completely prudent. Proactive addressing of potential issues at the start of a relationship appears to be the best all around approach.
Conversely, long term continuation of a relationship where one or both spouses will not actively address issues does merit the discontinuation of the relationship.
I would like to hear your opinions.
Thanks, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
