Since everyone is throwing their opinion into the mix, here is mine.
I believe that you have "earned" your way out of the marriage. You have made monumental efforts to work with your husband, and when he was unwilling to participate, work for the marriage by yourself. You have put up with unprecedented amounts of disrespect and still repeatedly re-engaged in the relationship. I believe that you have given your marriage a very aggressive effort toward repair on your part. You did it all without resorting to relationships outside your marriage. All very hard and commendable things to do. You have earned your exit papers.
Most people want to talk about significant or traumatic events in their life. It is perfectly normal and healthy to engage in such banter. It only becomes unhealthy when it is used to belittle, disrespect, or it becomes an obsession. Stating facts about a previous relationship is not disrespect. Your attitude does, however, matter. Even so, some anger is normal.
I personally believe that most affairs should be brought to the light of day (exposed), it shines light on otherwise secret and unhealthy behavior. In the same way, I do not believe that you are betraying your husband by talking about the issues in your marriage, rather bringing them to the light for examination. When you do talk about those issues, I would encourage you to do so in a contextually respectful way, but he truth is the truth.
"In my marriage, my husband rarely met my sexual needs. I contributed to this by acting too much like a mother to him" (not factual, just an example).
Dress how you feel. I personally like curves. I think that regardless of what a television show says, that most men like curves. If you feel like dressing young, then have fun. You are an intelligent woman. You most certainly understand appropriateness in dress by this time in your life. No reason not to have fun with your figure at least some of the time.
Lastly, My wife and I started our relationship with much baggage. Over the years it has become clear that the baggage/issues we discussed early on rarely affected us later in our marriage. The parts that we didn't address keep popping out to bite us. If you find yourself becoming serious with someone, I suggest that you tell your potential mate as much as he wants to hear. Just make sure that it represents the marriage, not just one side.
You can be open and honest without being disrespectful.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
