What has been broken can never be UNbroken, but man, you are as close to it as anyone here (from my limited window into your life). It pains me that you have a situation I crave, and you are still unsatisfied on a deep level. I don't mean to condemn you, I am just concerned by it (for myself and you)
And it adds the perspective that perhaps my situation is far better than some others on the board and I am unsatisfied as well.
Posting this more for myself I imagine. But it's food for thought.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3