LP. First, thanks for the welcome. Forgot to say that in Choc's thread.

Second. Agree totally. "equally cold and callous" connotes to me that there is some kind of commiserating going on here on both sides-- hence the word, 'equally.'

I have made my share of mistakes but one thing I never did was mention x's and our R foibles-- even her infidelity to... shocking even to me, considering my hurt... not to ANYONE; not to family, friends etc.

I kept it between us. Should have sought a therapist, yes, but I had the utmost respect for x and our R... and I never ever bad-mouthed her to anyone. To me what we had was between us and forged over years of highs and lows of life.

IMO sacred. Other Fs have not put the time/life vicissitudes in to be part of our story. After, say, 10 years? Maybe. Not in the infatuation stage certainly IMO.

If x was unhappy, then I was responsible for at least my contribution to the unhappiness and taskked to find out why.

I am close to an F whose H, I can tell, really burned her in her M... but she never elaborates. I respect the hell out of her for that.

I stand by the saying... "If they bad-mouth/commiserate on what they lacked from their Xs... then they will say the same about you if/when the next one comes along."

And, no, Mojo, not saying you're bad-mouthing here. IMO from the vibe I get from you, you are a good heart and if you were into tadpoling, a gal like you might be just up my alley. Chuckle. Easy girl, this tadpole is still wondering why he looks like an ugly spermatazoa.

Cripes. What a sad thought. Still one kiss away from a frog and TWO freaking ones away from being Prince Charming. Smooch, smooch.

Back on topic, again, not saying you're in the wrong MJ. ust in danger of connecting to Mr. Butterworth (smirk) on an pseudo "misery and company" level.

Maybe good for an interim fukc but I'd rather work from a positive-only, let sleeping Rs lie perspective in an LTR. Methinks you're probably a few good Fs away from this anyway, so enjoy the maple-syrupy goodness ride, baby. :-)

-Stigmata-

The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge;
the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.

-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-

...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ

-Stigmata-