Harmonic Divergence

[Stigmata]

LG.

I write this with a lot of hesitation. Main reason is I was in your position back when I registered.

I heard the ILYBINILWY. Boom and the want to be alone garbage. Right there. Shock. This from a guy who always pulled the rip cord firstin every previous R. Uncharted waters.WTF?

You can and have a good probability of getting her back. Why? Um. Well, lot has happened to me.

I've been off these boards esp. after the events of 10 months ago. 17 months ago my x dropped bomb on me, I moved out in Oct. 05. Left door open. How? Very simple. I treated her decision with the utmost respect and zero outward, at least, anger -- even though my heart was bleeding profusely and I just wanted to grab her and, yes, CRY, , please, please, please, don't do this. she said some really horrible things to me to get me to leave.

And what did I say? Did I beg? Did I plead to go to a retreat? Well maybe a tiny bit in terms of asking her to see a counselor together. But I never begged or pleaded. She did not want to see a counselor. So I left and gave her space. Actually said, " I Love You. I Love You and I want you. I don't NEED you but I want you and that's why I chose you. but I respect your decision even if I don't understand it."

I went nearly dark. Pich black in fact. All correspondence subsequently initiated by her even though I nearly chopped off my hand to resist dialing her to hear her sweet voice. My brain was in hyperdrive/overdrive. My heart was splitting/bisecting down to the atrial and mitral valves. Total and complete heartbreak. The Love of my Life. The baby we were planning. Our gorgeous dream home we just bought together. I detached entirely out of both self-preservation and what I learned in terms of how to respond to such schock. GAL they call it? Hm.

I left the door open. Not much hope. But then, seven months after I left x did something amazing.... she gave big hints she made a terible mistake. I listened. I listened again. I waited for contrition.

I had her. She wanted to see if she could come through my cracked door. I wanted it to be. All that pain. all those months wanting her to call me and pour her heart out to me; that she loved me. But I guess she had more pride than that and only tentatively tested my waters.
Bam. I kicked the door shut and nearly broke the frame.

It was apparent she was lonely and perhaps realized I'm not so bad after all. Dunno. OM? Perhaps. The quickly fading NGF chemicals follow such timelines.

And I became angry. Stopped posting. Also stopped after seeing some F posts here and how female flip-flopping "feelings forOM/against the R " can override any man's prime R directive.

But forget me. I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past. I am only posting to tell you there is hope if that is what you really want.

First. Forget the soul bonding, spiritual destiny hoo-haw.

You are making your W your spiritual/relational messiah.

Do you see how she never asked you to put her in that imposible role? That is all you. That is putting your life in the hands of someone who never asked you to do that. Please resist this.

And forget Retrouvaille. This is for "couples." You are not a couple. You are the electron orbiting round W's proton and OM's neutron. Do you see? Outsider.

My advice to you is this. This is her choice. She has just as much say as you, therefore you cannot fight it, only try and understand.

Remove the ring. Forget symbology. I am pretty certain she does not see it anyway. You are on your own. You came into this world alone and you will leave alone. She is just someone you invited into your life. Your ring means what it means to you and you only. Martyrdom.

There is another poster on here whose decision to wear his ring IMO is making his W feel he his nailing his ppor tortured self to the cross for the benefit of his friends/family. to him I say remove the ring and store it in a deep, dark place. Stop being reactive and stop fighting against a stacked deck.

Amazing how being self-protective in times like this can affect OP, esp. if OP see that you are also highly desirable to the opposite sex.

If you want her back, support her "feelings" but do NOT subjugate yourself to what she says if it violates your own core integrity. You were your own man before her and you need to remember that and act according to your core "single" self.

SHE ended your R dynamic, therefore all bets are off for newly single LG. You are on your own, my friend and accountable to no one, including her.

Do not react to her. PROACT. Proact in terms of self-direction. Again, IMO she wil respect you if you give her space and what she wants. Don't fight it. Be the LG you were at the start of your R. If you are negative or weepy she wil be repelled, believe me.

As much as it killed me, I disengaged totally from x and even made her laugh in our few interactions-- even though my heart was filled with pain, anger, and retribution. X loves funny, confident, cocky Stigmata and that's what I showed. She expected dread/misery, I gave her unpredictable, friendly, and attractive interactions... even if I didn't "feel" them.

So I just wanted you to know this LG. You have more history than me and, as NOPkins stated in the past, your responses were fantastic. You were strong when you confronted her with OM. You slammed down boundaries on W as to what you will accept from her in terms of treatment towards you and your R.

Her NGF chemicals for OM will fade. they always do. Usually no longer than 24 months, and usually much shorter. Gee, it's a lot different when you actually have to LIVE with the OP, eh cheating guys/gals?

If you still think I can help I will, LG. I may or may not have made the right ultimate choice in my sitch... but what I do know is someone who wanted nothing more than me to get out of her life at one poihnt after time perhaps realized what she had feard most in her initial letter to me the night I leff:

"I hope I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life..."

-Stigmata-