Once again I was stretched to the limit trying to get everything done that week. On this one particular day I had a paper to write. A chapter to study. I had to go into work. Had a parent teacher conference to attend. Then had to pick my son up from school after the conference. My husband had the nerve to get angry at me and ask me if I was ever going to get the oil changed in the car and that it was 500 miles over due. Man I blew a gasket.
What does this have to do with your H? Why did you get mad at him? I agree that he should volunteer to help out more, but that doesn’t mean he should be able to read your mind. Is there a reason you don’t ask him to help out, to go to the parent teacher conference for you, to pick up HIS son?
If you have been playing martyr for most of your marriage, then when your H asks about you getting the oil changed, he is only acting in line with how you have helped train him. You, the martyr, do everything. So he expected you to do this other thing. Where did he break the pattern?
This is a boundary issue for you. In order to feel appreciated, you need to be able to ask for and accept help, to do that you need to have proper boundaries for others as well as for yourself, to do that you need to eliminate your drive for acceptance through martyrdom, to do that you need to look into yourself. Once you are able to break this cycle, the ball shifts into his court and he will have to answer to any attempts to violate your boundaries.
