My Sob Story 2

[46956]

I think you need to let her go Mark. This is her journey and only she can find her way back. You can stand alone if you have too. You can still love her and set her free. She doesn't want option 2 or 3. Gotta go on a call. I'll post more later 4

[46956]

False alarm
She doesn't want option 2 right now, and I don't think option 3 is a serious one either. She came back home, she is filled with anger. The opposite of love is indifference. Let her find her way back to you. There may be some detours, but I believe she loves you and only she can figure out how to resolve her inner conflicts between loving you and her anger for you. The more you interfere, the more you cloud her thought process. Be caring, listen to her with full attention, (open body laguaguge, no anger) and validate her feelings when she wants to interact, otherwise give her space and let go of your fear of her leaving. It will take time and lots of hard days, but each day you do it you will grow and move forward ever so slightly. In time those days will add up to some real changes and you will feel more confident. You can stand alone, build a new life and be happy without her if you have too.
Take care Mark, 4

[46956]

Mark, take a look at this link and see what you think.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=423996&site_id=1#import
It might shed some light on your sitch, 4

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Don't get caught up in or set your watch by the time for each of those stages, ok?

[Mark_in_Pa]

Hey 4

Last night was beyond difficult. But I got through it.

Today my wife has called me twice. First time wondering what my schedule is for today regarding my son, then wondering if I wanted to meet at my sisters on Sunday and have her mediate a discussion. I told I would, but I would not stay if it became a rant like last night. She said she was sorry for how she said things last night but it was how she felt. Not much more on that call.

Then she called back a little bit ago, asking more about my schedule, and that my son was upset about tonight. I had told him yesterday I would take him to a play at the high school, but we have had 6 inches of snow today and the roads are a mess. And its 15 miles from where I’m staying to my house, my wife did not realize the roads were bad. She also wondered again if I had talked to my sister about getting together. She asked me if I had an agenda for discussion, I said no. I asked her if she did, she said she wanted to discuss living arrangements since she knew I was not comfortable at my mothers. She asked with suspicion why I went out to the car when she got in last night, I told her to help her with her bags. A weird question, I don’t know what she thought I was up to.

I read the MLC link, thanks 4. I know my wife is having problems; it comes down to my ability to endure and my willingness to allow my son to be exposed her psychosis for a long length of time. And Jack, I will try to disregard the time frame, it was rather discouraging looking at potentially years of insanity.


I got a new book; it’s called “Feeling Good”. It’s about how to control your mental outlook with resorting to drugs. It sounded like what I needed. So far I have read 4 chapters; I’m just getting to the point of what to actually do to fix the broken record in the brain. I figure the book can’t hurt.

So that’s where I’m at tonight.

Thanks again guys, I need all the advice I can get at this point.


Mark

[46956]

Good luck at your sisters Mark. It is a good sign she wants to talk, and if it at your sisters, she can't be planning on saying anything to seriously negitive. 4

[25yearsmlc]

Mark,

I'm gonna catch up on your whole sitch. Just wanted to reiterate what someone else wrote, "the opposite of love is indifference" and NOT anger. Important point. There is hope. As for the mediator sil, how about hiring a neutral party instead? I know money is involved but I have not seen one good result from family "mediated" sessions unless the family member is a shrink/pastor AND really really good and really really objective...come to think of it, I have never seen it work with a family member. Guess it does help to have a "witness" to the talks if your wife revises things too insanely...other than that, what is the goal for YOU, in these talks? IF your ultimate goal is reconciliation AND a better M, just see if you really are getting closer to it with these talks.

I will post more later but wanted to give you a thumbs up, from a woman's point of view. There's hope. She wouldn't need her sister's approval if she were totally confident in her choice, or wanted out and KNEW it. Hang in there.
j-

[Mark_in_Pa]

Today was a day of nothing relationship wise. I had a meeting to go to of a gardening group I belong to that took up most of the afternoon. Then in the evening I picked up my son and took him out for dinner, and we went to the High Schools Spring Production. You can’t call them plays anymore, they’ve become much more than what I remember 28 years ago. I was very well done and enjoyable for us both.

Anyhow the only contact I had was a note my wife gave my son, it said, “milk please”. So I picked up some milk for the house. No contact regarding the meeting she wanted for Sunday.

I just felt more numb than anything today. Still thinking about the dumping on Thursday night, if she wanted to push me away and detach, I think that has certainly helped.

That’s about it

Mark

[Mark_in_Pa]

Hey I hit 100 posts with that last one. Another merit badge for me.

Sorry for the sarcasm, being here, journaling, discussing my situation, and reading about others has helped.

Thanks everyone.

Mark

[25yearsmlc]

Geez Mark,

"Milk Please" means nothing to you???? I think we can all come up with what it "REALLY" means....hmmmm, "Make love to me now!" "Martin Luther King Day should be national"??....

Seriously, right now is the time to demonstrate to her that you two can be together without strife or conflict, even if it's boring. Have "sane" calm moments and build on them. No R talk for now. Just layering page by page in the book of life, so you can keep on building the bond....stronger and stronger, slowly. Give her time and space and work on you, GAL. Did you finish the book Divorce Remedy? I liked that one better than the first, fwiw.
take care, keep on posting.
j-