Actually, I was reading your thread last night before heading out to curling and I couldn't respond as I had to run out. As I was reading it, I cried and felt your pain; actually I'm tearing up again here at work. This seems to be the reality for many of us now and MLC or not, sometimes we need to wonder how long must we stand for. We could stand for 5, 10, 15 years and they may not come back and we will have lost precious time. I honestly believe that if we are meant to be together with our WAS, whether we meet someone else or not, it will happen.
Know that your H is so very lost and many of them are and he doesn't know what he wants. By the time he figures out that what he had is what he really wants, it may be too late (and probably will be). I am really sad about the news and I know that you are the better person. Don't let his actions change who you are. Be strong.
It was nice talking to you tonight. You did sound better and while I know you will have difficult moments, know that you WILL become stronger. IMO, you need to take care of yourself and your kids financially and yes, it will mean filing for a LS. Filing for a LS does not mean you will be D and you do not need to file for D unless you decide to remarry.
I believe at this point, your H feels that you will be there waiting for him and while you may still decide to stand, filing for a LS is to protect you. In many cases, when a spouse files for a LS, the WAS may start realizing the reality of what is happening. He may actually start feeling like the LBS and may have second thoughts. Of course, this may not be the case and you should not file for a LS in hopes that this will happen. If you file, it is for your protection.
Before you agree to what you want, know what you are entitled to; you may be entitled to more than you think. I'm not sure how different the laws are in your province from mine. I'm not suggesting that you take your H to the cleaners (although he would deserve it as there is no amount of money that would be enough for the pain he's put you through) but you should go after what the law entitles you to.
Know that even if your H never returns to the M, it was not your fault. Yes, we all play a part but you have stood for longer than most people would have. Trust me when I say that he will never be happy in a long term R because he will never be in one. He will have multiple short-term R only until the "in love" phase fizzes away and then moves on to another R. He has not grown past adolescence and when he finally does grow up, he will realize how many years he wasted. You, OTOH, are so much stronger, wiser, have integrity, morals and are an overall good and beautiful person.
As for your email, I would suggest that at this time, you simply deal with the financials and LS. You have to still maintain a co-parenting R with him and need to stay amicable. I agree that you can set some boundaries with respect to OW not being present at family functions at this point.
God does have plans for you, your kids and yes your H too and you have to believe that what is meant to be will be. You WILL have that happy M that you want with a man who will love and respect you, I know it.
Call me anytime you need to talk. I don't have little ones and am usually up late.
Make it a great weekend and enjoy the ballet tomorrow night.
Much love to you, ISLH
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
