Hello everyone, I have not been on here this week. I have been dealing with my own emotional baggage and I completely understand how 2940 feels. It is so hard to back off when you feel like your insides are going to fall out. My H and I had two discussions this week. I had been backed off then conversations come up. First of all Monday he admitted to me that he was missing me and that he loved me. He told me he thinks of me all the time and goes to sleep thinking about me. That he wakes up not knowing where he is sometimes. He said he didnt realize just how much he was going to miss me until I wasnt there. The kicker is that he is having trouble breaking free from OW. She goes back to work April 9th from her hysterectomy. I asked him if that was what he was waiting on. He said part of him thinks about it because he promised to see her through it. He told me last night that he thinks about coming home and he doesnt mean to give me false hope because he says things about missing me and that makes me think he is coming home the next day. I told him no I really needed to know you were missing me. He said it doesnt mean he isnt ever coming home he just cant right now. This next week is Spring Break so we will see how much effort he makes into spending time with his kids. I am tired of trying to get him to spend time with them. I am going back to just backing off and being nonchalant when he backs out of things. My friend has told me if he doesnt come spend time with them to say okay well enjoy your day the kids and I are going to such and such. It will be him feeling guilty he isnt here and he will miss us. He has to get to misssing us so much that he wants to break his addiction to this affair. I really do not understand the addiction he isnt living a better life. He is in a small dinky apartment. He doesnt have cable or internet. There isnt much money because he is leaving most of it for the kids and me. He told me that he is missing me so much that when he drives through the area where we used to live he thinks of us and misses me. I know I have got to be patient. Patiences is really going to be my friend and I know I have to let the OW drive him home. She is very needy, very demanding and bitches about him coming to see us all the time. She has been playing her surgery to the hilt and really milking it. It is amazing how a man when he is addicted to a situation will fall for crap. I have cried myself to sleep many times. I am so tired. I love him so very much and it is hard for me to understand why he isnt here when he loves me like he does. I know a part of it is his guilt keeping him away. I know that I have to be patient and let him work this out. Patience is so hard when I have been the patient one now for over 3 months going on 4 months. It has felt like a lifetime. I asked him do you see yourself with her 10 years from now he said no. The other day I said you dont know if that is where you will be 6 months from now he said i know that. I have talked to him and his mom has talked to him that if he cant be home that he is welcome to be at her place so he can think and get his head on straight. I have a feeling that he may just get OW well and back towork then go to his mothers. I have to sit back let this play out and that really sucks!!!!! Anyone that wants to email mine is slmom9598@yahoo.com It would be nice to talk to others that understand maybe through email or on messenger because it is more instant and the threads take so much longer. I am sorry if I have rambled on but I needed to do it.
