I think you need to let OM go entirely (there's no future there, and even if you were both divorced I think you'd eventually learn that he's not a great choice. He doesn't sound like someone who treats a wife too well). And I'm sure you can find plenty of other good friends. You really don't need him.

One thing you might want to consider is a separation from your husband. You may need some time for yourself and some distance to think about things. If you were to do this you should not date and just focusing on your life, where you want to be, where your marriage is and learning what life would be like without it. Maybe even date your husband during the separation. Try to build a friendship. A good book on separation is "Getting Back Together." (yes, the title is a little misleading!). It gives good advice on separation and eventually getting back together. It taught me that separation can be very healthy.

In the meantime, ask your husbands questions, show an interest in him, show respect and admiration and sexually attack him every night for the next two weeks...

and then come back online and tell us what's going on.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.