You might want to look into Lexapro for your husband. I know a quite a few people taking it. Supposedly it's still pretty strong, but side effects are much fewer than other ADs (ie. newer, safer).
I can't tell you how to rebuild trust or security, but in my own sitch I've come to realize that I have to find security inside myself. I can't expect it from him. I can only hope he'll realize his life is better when he makes wise choises, and in the meantime I have to try and enjoy my life as best as possible. I like what you said about the concert you went to with your husband. I think you should focus on living like that. Now that the kids are grown make weekly plans, do special "young-couple-without-kids" types of things. At some point I think we have to give up worrying about "what if" and try to live life it's fullest now.
Why are you walking on eggshells? I know about wanting to see the cell phone (I'd like to see my husband's as well), but even if you were monitoring it, if he really wanted to have an affair, wouldn't he just go about it a different way? If someone really wants to have an affair aren't they going to find a way?
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
