OL, My W is reliving a lot of what her mother did too.
Do you have the Divorce buster book, or Divorce Remedy? They both, especially Divorce Remedy, can help you now. It will give you something to do that feels like working on the problem and the R, it gives you good advice. DON'T let you W read the books or know you are reading them! Don't be sneaky or lie, but don't bring it up to her and don't leave it our for her to find! It drives them nuts to see these books, but they can help you.
Can you get any counseling? If it's too expensinve and your insurance can't help, I think some states, counties, cities, have programs to cover the cost. You may want to look into that. The DB and DR books are a pretty good substitute for theropy.
Talk to your friends and family. You can't and shouldn't go through this alone. You'll be surprised by how many, and maybe who, is supportive. Get out, do things with people.
Hate to tell you this, but they see right through us. Your W will know when you are faking happiness. Don't stop doing what you're doing, but work on real happiness or at least real detachment so you're not sad whenever she is around.
I'm in my 6th month of this crap. I'm just getting to where I can really detach and be comfortable even when W is around. Don't be to hard on yourself if you can't get everything right away. You can't solve the problems in a week, a month, or a year, probably. This is a long hard trip we're on. Try hard to work on yourself, have a positive attitude, don't let her affect your mood, don't beat yourself up if you make a mistake, don't look for quick fixes. Whew, I'll have to point you to the Do's and Don'ts posts that say all this and better than I can say it.
How are your kids? I wonder if their age will make this easier for them. Are they living at home?
And really try not to snoop. That gets easier over time too.
Hang in there friend. You're going to come through this and you'll be OK.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
