COG - hmmmmm I wonder if the whole "motor" thing is what is getting my H going. He (much to my chagrin because we can ill-afford it) he bought an old Jeep that has been totally restored and he gets it this weekend - you would think it was Christmas for a 5 year old
We need to be reassured and secure?? - they need motors???? I'll have to work on that one
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
So both of your posts wring of building sexual tension, anticipation, like I'm candy behind the glass. I get it, but I'm not very good at it. More like the kid outside the candy counter glass drooling all over himself. So I can see I've got work to do. I've got an e-book to read, plus I've got an attitude. No fear!
That's the real key: No Fear. YOu do NOT care if she rejects you. IN fact, WHEN she rejects you you eat it up!
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I listened to the first two Chapters of For Men Only. OMG, I realized I'm a chick! Somehow our roles have reversed and I'm a woman. I like to talk about R, I like to be pursued, yuck!! I've gotta turn that around.
ok, now I have to come clean. I've followed your posts for a long time and I have often said to myself "why did she come back? this guy seems like he catered to her and was a suck up to her. That's not what she needs"
Did she come back because he was simply 'there', as a constant in her life? Yes, he changed himself quite a bit, and she changed too. Why though, did she come back yet is not able to be intimate?
Which is why I started to push you to work the attraction side of the relationship harder.
You need to become DESIRABLE, and for women that means be a MAN. I think YOU ARE GETTING IT NOW.
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Also, book talks about how important it is for W to feel secure in the R. So last night before sleep I told W how much I appreciate every she does for me, how much I love her, and that everything is going to be alright with us. Just like the book said. She layed there without much emotion and started to say something but stopped. So I asked her what she was thinking.
Good call. And I see you got a response...
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Asked me why I was so sure things would be alright. So I took that as she's looking for security. So I explained that I'm just an optimistic guy, and that we've come so far together, looking back two years it's night and day. I just expect that trend to continue.
No more punches being pulled by me any more. So....
WUUUSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
What kind of response is that from a 'take charge' guy? Oh, oh, I'm just OPTIMISTIC.
How about "Because I intend on sweeping you off your feet until you are begging me to stay home and pleasure you".
or "Because I intend on having a fun exciting and fulfilling life with you and nothing will stop me from making that happen."
or (with a sly, bad boy attitude) "Because I never lose and I'm always right!"
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I also told her that I was healed, and that I could go live on my own anytime and I'd be OK. I'll have a fulfilling life, with or without somebody who loves me intimately.
Oh my. If you feel you MUST 'let her know you are ok without her' then perhaps you might try this (in 'bad boy' mode) : "Listen Babe, if you successfully resist my charming and witty self then I know there are other women who will be glad to surrender to me!" and you get in her face and look her in the eyes with a sly smile when you say this.
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She actually said maybe we need to try something different than what we've been doing. I don't know what that is but it was her idea.
Man! She is telling you what to do an YOU DON'T KNOW? She wants you to lead, and to keep doing what you have been doing!
Remember, "questions are statements and statements are questions" She says "TRY something different that what we have been doing". Duh, she knows that what you HAVE been doing, being mr nice nice all the time, doesn't work for her. She wants that Man.
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Is this Chick speak for "I want you to pursue me more"? Which of course I will pursue less then to build more tension.
Almost! Don't pursue less, do the build tension stuff. Get in her face, give her the teases and then WALK AWAY.
When was the last time you walked up to her, grabbed her around the waist with one hand, pulled her toward you so you were nose to nose, looked her RIGHT IN THE EYES then said "I know you want me to ravish your body, I just don't have time right now. Perhaps later".
Then smile, pause, let her go and walk away.
And don't bring it up later. Maybe you see her a little later and make eye contact, give her a 'knowing grin and a wink...'
An-ti-ci-pa-tion.
Think about every 'romantic' movie you've ever seen. They don't make this stuff up. 'Real men' make a woman work for it. And women like that anticipation.
I think you continue to 'give her her space' and walk on eggshells when it comes to SEX. Maybe when you start acting like she TURNS YOU ON she will feel desired. Maybe when you start acting like YOU are desirable she will desire YOU.
And no, that doesn't mean groping her or rubbing up against her, it means what I have said earlier - using words, humor and innuendo to build that tension.
If she doesn't wet herself after you start doing these things then she must be dead!
By the way I do these kinds of things to my wife. She goes through a lot of underwear.
My H does those sorts of things too and they drive me crazy! I have to admit I do like the anticipation too,, sometimes my H would say " .....well we can just WAIT til later..." and I felt I was going to explode! He would tease me alot and that is a turn on . Not everday mind you, mix it up some. Frank has some incredible advice for you,, I look forward to reading more of his advice for you. I have to agree with him some. I for one want my H to kiss my A%^ but also spank it once in awhile too. ( Parental Discretion Advisory ) It is so hard to find just the right mix sometime but I think you are gearing up for this and are ready to Dominate. In the meantime start saving your money to buy her lots of panties! God bless...
You know when I read that line I actually started laughing and I thought it was sooo cute. Our culture has this whole Taboo thing re :"S*X". And I for one used to buy into it so much. I myself am just learning it is ok to be a sensual Woman and be a Wife and a MOM too. Thanks for the compliment. I am working on becoming a bad girl actually. I am far too sweet and I need to work on the bad side alot more .
Keep giving COG your great insight. I promise I will not be entertained so much next time~ God bless...
Just this morning, in the garage, I gave her a hug, looked her straight in the eye and said "you can't possibly resist my charm forever, I'm too beautiful!"
I'm getting it Frank. That's the way I was in our early M. I was much more of a man, teaser, sexual tensionist, than I am now. It'll be a challenge, she's got her defenses up pretty high. But I'm gonna kick her ass! She does'nt live with a morphadite anymore!
Regarding the nice guy stuff. I think maybe the pedulum swung a little too far. See, I was a jerk to her for a long time. So I had to show her what a kind heart I really have buried underneath all the crap. Now pulling back away, creating the tension you describe, will make the perfect recipe. I'll be a man, a HE MAN, but she'll still marvel at what a huge heart I have. It's perfect.
She's toast!
Ali, I can't wait to hear your story when you H gets home. He's not going to know what hit him. Go tiger!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
COG, security in a R is big for a woman. I was thinking that too and forgot to say it by the time I hit submit last night. A man in charge can exude security for a woman. Optimism about the future shows security also.
All the lines Frank is giving you are great, and it obviously works on his W. Good Stuff. Do make sure that you don't portray arrogance and cocky in contrast to confident with desire. One is a turn on, the other is a turn off. I think it's all in the delivery of the message.
ps-how far did your boat go in the driveway with the motors running? That's that 'man' thing again, huh? more power....arrrrarrrrarrrrr!!!!!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Hey COG, I'm glad to read the good place you are in mentally. Wanted to let you know that I posted your words on my blog finally, that I asked you about a while back, and it's garnered some discussion in the comments. Thought you might like to see here
Thanks again for permission to use it; it's exactly how I feel myself. Don't think H has read it yet, and he'd probably get his defenses all up if he did. sigh.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
That's that 'man' thing again, huh? more power....arrrrarrrrarrrrr!!!!!