Valentines day massacre

[outtaluck]

You're absolutely right, I shouldn't snoop. I've got to admit, I left a tape recorder running when I wasn't around...and the things I heard made me sick. She did say some things though, that kind of make it easier to let her go if she's really becoming that kind of person. I can better rationalize it in my head that in the event that it really ends that I didn't want to be with that kind of woman anyhow. It was interesting to see how she does damage control with her family...tearing me down, saying "if" she meets someone she don't care how old he is....

Its like listening to a complete stranger...this isn't the woman I've been with all these years.

I know, stop it. I'm outta batteries anyway...don't plan on buying more.

She's out drinking again with her friends...I'm home alone...its snowing pretty good and I do worry about her driving that way but I can't control her....still kinda freaking but dealing better than I've been. I got to keep busy I know... I got a dozen hobbies, and I don't feel like doing any of em. Been playing my guitar more when she's around...trying to keep a happy face...dancing even to music she's listening to even thought she thinks I hate it. She looked sad today, kept looking at me when she thought I wouldn't notice...looked like she been crying or something...Ahhh...I'm a fool to read anything into that.

Been opening up more to friends...something I couldn't do before because I was afraid to break down in tears...Still have my moments...thinking about how I never even considered another because I thought she was the most beautiful thing I ever seen...even when she was fat.... I thought I told her that all the time and she says I never made her feel that way...it just kills me that I failed to get that across to her. But yeah, I know its part of that rewrite of history thing.

Its funny, her mother did kind of the same thing to her father many years ago...so I don't have genetics on my side.

I'm just going a little crazy here.... gotta go do something...