Typically the way it used to happen here was that I would ask H to do a chore. No time frame, just "will you do x?" Then time goes by, H hasn't done it, I say, "are you going to do x?" H says yep. More time goes by, I'm starting to get annoyed, I say, "you said you would do x, why haven't you done it yet?" By now we're in full nag/avoid mode.
This is exactly how it would play out with XW. My standard remark would be, "Is there a timeframe?" after she would get upset because the task had not yet been completed.
I will also say that having grown up in a home where my mom worked, (This was in the 70's and I thought all moms worked and dads cooked) I fully believed each spouse should contribute equally to the house work.
I am the man who is loving my kids and will keep them from continuing this cycle of destruction.
