You're going to hear this a lot: our situations (sitch's) are so similar. I think I can relate to you, as many of us can. You're not alone.
Don't let JustBeFriends fool you, he is full of good advice and he, I'm sure, will share some with you too.
Was2sad - you already said the important stuff. I'll emphasis it.
Don't snoop! It is so hard not to. I still am terribly tempted, and have a little bit, and each time it only makes it worse in every way. Don't do it. Do whatever it takes to keep from doing it. Take a walk, sing, hit yourself, anything. Stay around other people if you can. I am most tempted when I'm alone. I'm serious, snooping only hurts.
Don't try to interpret their actions. You won't, and can't know what it means to them. Don't think taking of the wedding ring means it's over for her. Don't think if she treats you well one day that all will be good. Just take it as it comes. You can't read her mind, or her actions.
Was2Sad is right. She will re-invent your past to justify her actions. Don't listen to her. She can't help it. Or rather, listen, validate (I think you're saying that you are upset... etc.)but don't disagree or try to convince her that she's wrong. You can't win that arguement, ever. Just listen, if you can.
The Other Man (OM) doesn't really matter. I've got one of those haunting me and my relationship (R) too, and I know how you can obsese over him and them. It's really, really, not about them. It's about her, and the R. She is diving totally into herself now in a very selfish way. It's a journey she apparently has to take. It's not about the OM at heart (he just makes it more complicated for you, and me).
I'm really strained financially now too. A lot of things will seem harder or impossible because of this. Don't let it get you down. Work on yourself, your happiness. I'm taking it as a fun, personal challenge to lead me and my family out of the financial mess we are in. My Wife (W) isn't helping much, but that's OK.
And more repeating what w2s said: work on yourself -HARD!!! What makes you happy? Do it. I ask myself all the time, what do I want to do, what makes me happy? It doesn't have to be anything big or expensive. You don't have to start a new hobby (although it's not a bad idea) or get a tatoo, but if you want to, do it. If you want to sit and watch TV, do it. Don't worry or think about how it will affect her. You can't guess how it will affect her. She's in her land, you need to inhabit yours and take care of yourself.
Sleep. Eat. take care of yourself.
Don't snoop.
Take care of your daughters.
Use this place to vent, get advice, etc. But be warned, people don't pull punches here. They will tell you when you're going down the wrong path. ;-)
So, so, sorry you're here. We're here and we'll help. It's not over. Good things will come of this, one way or the other.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
