Preparing for the end game, maybe.

[LoginName]

wow, thanks, you all are helping.

I think it is normal to wallow a bit in self pity. Better here than in front of them, no? But then you've got to pull out of it.

The OM: My W's high school sweetheart, first love. Lawyer, handsome, musculur, plays piano, working on a novel, published author (law book), owns a Harley, lots of friends.

[His negatives, that I know of: He's shorter than me, if that's negative, has been divorced for about 1.5 years (she left him) I think he called my W once and said he was near suicide (?)and... she came back home!)

What's so bad about me? No ambition (fear of failure?), little self confidence, skinny, not much talent in anything (music, sports, etc) never been very popular, especially with the opposite sex (although I've been married forever to my first love, so who knows?), not handy at all around the house (fear of doing it wrong keeps me from trying some of the projects).

[My positives: I've acheived a bit despite my failings (acheived rank of Commander in US Navy, have a good professional job, make good money, earned an MBA, raising 2 fantastic kids (I must have something to do with that) ). I'm caring, compasionate (probably to a fault).

I guess basically, I'm a human with good and bad qualities. So is the OM. If she would be happier with him, or someone else, I can't control that and have to move past it. It will take a bit to get over the feelings of rejection and the blow to my ego though.

UA,
I'm guessing your H feels inadequate too, and rejected, even though you are not rejecting him and feel he is more than adequate. It's hard to get over those feelings with the fragile male ego.
I wish the OM in my sitch was a POS and my W realized it. One of my W's sadnesses (is that a word) is that she has lost OM not only as a lover but as a friend.

I think I've done really well Not thinking of OM for the past few months. I was feeling weak due to thinking my W will be leaving soon for her new job (that she may or may not get).

Cinders, you're right, and I've told others this often myself, it's not about the OP. They do exacerbate things sometimes though.

I'm trying hard not to try to guess what's going to happen in the future, but I keep thinking she will be offered the job, accept it, and decide to go and not want me to join her. It makes me sad. I feel like I'm saying good bye and grieving her and our M new everyday.

Thanks again y'all.