New to Piecing II

[COG]

Thanks for all the support friends! You are a great blessing to me.

Love,

COG

[amd]

Love how you turned the expectation around there, COG.

[WCW]

Cog, how does a country/farm boy end up in CA with a boat in his driveway to work on and you don't know what you're doing? That's a picture I chuckled about since I read it last night. First off, any alpha female can tell you that a boat works better in the water!

I wanted to come back though and comment about

I've noticed since last week, and into this week, she's been doubling up on physical touch, kisses and hugs. I think she knows she's safe, she know's I'm not available until after lent, and I sense a little relaxation. Plus I think it's becoming easier for her, she feels more in control. The trend is good.

For me, I got to the point that I felt every time H would touch me, or hug me, it was going to end in sex. He could sense something wrong when he touched me, and then I mistakenly thought I should be honest with him and tell him my feelings and we would work thru it. Bad idea. But I understand how your W may be relaxing knowing the 'pressure is off' and it's safe to just touch, nothing more. Good observation on your part.

[Heywyre]

Hmmmm I think I might use that one on my H (gave it up for lent eh?)

[COG]

WCW,

how does a country/farm boy end up in CA with a boat in his driveway

I know everyone thinks only about Hollywood when they think about California. But let me tell ya something, there's a LOT of country in California, I'm born and raised here. Everybody here has a boat!

First off, any alpha female can tell you that a boat works better in the water!

Well just when I thought I'd tried everything! Water hugh? That just might work!

For me, I got to the point that I felt every time H would touch me, or hug me, it was going to end in sex.

There's alot women that would really love THAT scenario to happen, unfortunately, not mine and obviously not you. But that's OK, and I've learned how to love unconditionally, and not expect every touch to lead there. It's actually very nice.

But I understand how your W may be relaxing knowing the 'pressure is off' and it's safe to just touch, nothing more. Good observation on your part.

OK, but you can't just leave me hanging here country girl. I've become VERY observant, AND patient. But will I have to wait forever? What's YOUR trigger? What is it that turns YOU on? Do YOU initiate sex? Do YOU want to be in charge of the frequency? Should your H just continue gently waiting, or wait awhile then pursue? Should he gently touch you and you give him a secret signal if you want to go further? If he does'nt get the signal he stops?

I'm not being nosy, just looking for some new direction, input, and advice.

Thanks,

COG

[frank_D]

Build sexual tension.

Build anticipation.

[WCW]

My H was born in CA, I've been there a handful of times in the last 10 years. Lot's of green space there, but I don't believe the advertisements about the 'CA happy cows' they show in Americas Dairyland. No way, I've seen the dairies in CA. Big ranches too, beautiful country. Then there's Fishermans Wharf, just plain weird.

Anyway....I am going to try these answers as my H/M/R was at that time. The last 3plus years is a different story and just n/a.

There's alot women that would really love THAT scenario to happen, unfortunately, not mine and obviously not you. But that's OK, and I've learned how to love unconditionally, and not expect every touch to lead there. It's actually very nice.

I actually was a woman that loved that scenario in our early years together.

you can't just leave me hanging here country girl.

Um, hanging? what a choice of words for this discussion... and that's the type of innuendos to try with your W. Enticing, teasing, funny, tantalizing.

Trigger for me - emotional intimacy. Flirting. To know that H desired me, how he looked at me. Spontaneous rather than routine. I would rather take time out of a busy day to 'stop, drop, and roll' and not put it off until the last thing of the day when we soooo tired. Or both. Foreplay doesn't start in the bedroom, or when the lights go off. It's the nice things you do and say for each other day after day, but it has to stay fresh so it's not taken for granted.

I did initiate. I did (and still do) think about my desire for H, moments of the past, want him more. I would daydream and figure out just what I would do when I saw him next, but instead it was real world stuff that interfered and I would get upset or busy or company stopped in - plans gone awry.

She claimed that I was never there for her, that I was critical of her, that I didn't support her, that I only showed affection for her when sex was involved. She said she had made a conscious decision to detach emotionally from me several years before.

Does this ring any bells? "George" wrote this about his W. (Does the G in COG stand for George?) Are you supporting her now? non critical? offering no strings affection? Back to where this started, you put yourself off limits for Lent, she's safe now, PT is okay. Build on that, offer a back rub or a massage, take off your pajamas, or put your pajamas on. Enticing, teasing, funny, tantalizing.

Remember the old department stores with the candy jars behind the glass counter? no matter how close you pressed on the glass, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't touch the candy. But you wanted it even more. Can you be candy?

[COG]

Frank, WCW,

So both of your posts wring of building sexual tension, anticipation, like I'm candy behind the glass. I get it, but I'm not very good at it. More like the kid outside the candy counter glass drooling all over himself. So I can see I've got work to do. I've got an e-book to read, plus I've got an attitude. No fear!

I listened to the first two Chapters of For Men Only. OMG, I realized I'm a chick! Somehow our roles have reversed and I'm a woman. I like to talk about R, I like to be pursued, yuck!! I've gotta turn that around.

Also, book talks about how important it is for W to feel secure in the R. So last night before sleep I told W how much I appreciate every she does for me, how much I love her, and that everything is going to be alright with us. Just like the book said. She layed there without much emotion and started to say something but stopped. So I asked her what she was thinking.

She said that she has strong doubts that she'll ever have those kind of feelings for me. She's frustrated about it, knows what a great guy I am, etc., but she's just not sure about gaining those feelings. Asked me why I was so sure things would be alright. So I took that as she's looking for security. So I explained that I'm just an optimistic guy, and that we've come so far together, looking back two years it's night and day. I just expect that trend to continue.

I also told her that I was healed, and that I could go live on my own anytime and I'd be OK. I'll have a fulfilling life, with or without somebody who loves me intimately.

So we talked about old times and how she used to feel about me etc. Then we cuddled and stuff, but she absolutely needs to have the right feelings before she'll ML. She actually said maybe we need to try something different than what we've been doing. I don't know what that is but it was her idea.

Opinions? Was she fishing? Is this Chick speak for "I want you to pursue me more"? Which of course I will pursue less then to build more tension. Gotta got to donuts now.

God Bless,

COG

[COG]

I wanted to add something else. I'M ON FIRE RIGHT NOW!! I'm feeling better than I have in a very long time, the burden is so much lighter. Life is Good! I'm living, breathing, and beautiful. I don't need my W to have "feelings" for me because I, I, I, I, I, I, I, have feelings for ME!! I'm a darned good man, a wild man, a balsy sh?t kickin ball of love, passion, and zest for life. I got my boat running last night, both motors!! I'm ready to RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!! W and D were playing a board game in the house when I fired up that engine. Just about sent them through the roof. Nothing like raw horsepower to get the juices flowing.

She can't hang on to her safety line any longer. She's clinging to the old life with her last little finger and it's getting slippery. She's gonna fall, OH YA, she's gonna fall. She can't scare me anymore because I am FEARLESS!!! She can't fight those feelings anymore because I am BEAUTIFUL!

God Bless the Battle!!

Love,

COG

PS Have a Great Day!

[Delil@h]

She's clinging to the old life with her last little finger and it's getting slippery.

COG,
I think you may have something there. Holding onto the familiar is soooo much easier than putting your feet in the water or even jumping in. She has been safe were she is .... hopefully she will let go and look to what she can become. I think what she said to you last nite was good and she is thinking more.
You sound awesome ~ keep it up..... I always have deleted that when I post it in your posts but this time I will NOT delete it. No pun intended, I am after all Catholic. I am rooting for you,, I think you are on the crest of something NEW. God bless you and have a fantastic day. Keep building on the passion!!!!!!!
Love,
Ali