Harmonic Divergence

[Lord Grenville]

Thanks very much for your post, Blackfoot!

The only way you can attempt to have some semblance of control over your emotions is strict thought control. Save your emotions for you and ride them all the way up and down. The faster you do that instead of trying to contain and control them the faster you will purge their affect on you, and return to some 'normalcy'.

This is something I really need to work on. When you talk about "riding" them, I take that to mean to feel the emotions completely, and let them pass through me at the time that they come up. Which I have begun to do a little better recently.

ANYTHING you do to get her attention, impress her, even 'give her space' if you are doing it 'for her', will be accurately perceived by her as supplicating. She knows what she is doing is wrong. She knows she is treating you badly. She cannot accept or understand you wanting her, becuase of her guilt. It contradicts her inner voice. There is nothing you can SAY to change it.

Wow - I really have not been able to understand this until I read it today.

You are not second guessing your every move, because you are not worried about her response (showing hesitancy). If you want to put your hands on her, just put your hands on her. If she says stop, stop, and just look at her. If it feels 'weird' to you its gonna feel 'weird' to her.

Thanks - that advice will really help me in future interactions.

Are you afraid to fight with her? To argue with her? To tell her the things she did wrong in the M?

Yes. In our 19 years of marriage, I think we both have been making that mistake. Now, how can tell her the things she did wrong in the M, if I am supposed to avoid talking about the R as part of DB?

Do you know your W loves you? Does she know, you know?

All I know is that she has written the classic WAW: "ILHBINILWH" in her journal, but she has not ever verbalized it to me directly.

Do you consider your M a viable R still, or do you acknowledge that it is dead?
What are your reasons for still wearing your wedding ring?

I acknowledge that my W probably considers the M dead, but I believe it is still viable, and that she is being deluded by the "Divorce myths" that her IC and a close friend who just divorced last year, are constantly feeding her. My W comes from a lineage Italian/American learned behavior, where women did not really have the right to form or own an opinion, or express it.

I wear my wedding ring because, as I see it, my spirit is still married to my wife's beautiful spiritual being - it's just that her physical brain is being affected by physical brain chemicals, due to poor communication and expression of feelings on both our parts. Right now, her physical body/brain is preventing an open connection between her heart and spirit, and my heart and spirit.

I know - that may sound like a load of new age psychobabble to many of you, but the fact is - this is reality, because this is the belief system I completely exist in.

Our potential relationships were arranged before we incarnated, and the tricky part is that our physical brains/minds were erased in the passage from the spiritual realm to the birth channel of infancy. I know that my W and I were intended to meet and marry, but the free will that each of us can exercise in this lifetime, allows for us to make mistakes, get confused, or find healing. And there is no predestined end result. So even though I have faith that our marriage can be revived and become even better than it was, my W may choose to not truly see that potential, or may choose to do something that appears easier to her, like beginning a new relationship with someone else, rather than working hard on the one that we have been learning from together.