Valentines day massacre

[outtaluck]

Together for 22 years...married for 20. Two amazing daughters, 20, and 18 in June. Financially, we are both working crap jobs that barely pay the bills. We rent a house from her grandma, and she gives us a great deal. She is getting older, and god forbid if something happens to her, her kids get the house and we probably won't have such a sweet deal. (Look, I'm still saying we...:-) )I don't make enough money to afford a decent place on my own. I don't have a car either...the one we have is in her name. I am close to my work so I use a bicycle. What a nice little hole I dug for myself eh?

We still talk...though I stopped the I love you junk. We still sleep in the same bed, and sometimes hold each other out of habit. She asks for massages...while wearing a thick bathrobe, and I usually give in....maybe a bad move? She has offered me sexual favors....not full sex but use your imagination. I only took her up on it once....it just felt wierd to me...not bad, just wierd. I don't think I could do just that again.

She took her ring off last week....that was devastating to me. I finally took mine off yesterday....also devastating. Haven't said anything...kind of want to see if she notices.

Right now, as I write this she keeps popping in the room for no reason....let her wonder. I've been trying my best to look happy around her....even played my guitar and sang yesterday...and no whiney love songs either.

I told my parents yesterday...and they offered to let me stay there....its so nice of them. I only really see my family on Chistmas because she didn't like them for some reason....they never did anything to her. It was good to reconnect. Living there will drive me nuts. Plus, my brother who is in Iraq now will be back next month. The hero and the loser in one room...sounds like a sitcom on fox.

I think the other guy called the house...not positive its him...but we got caller ID...and I got a name and address....hmmmmm. I know it would be nuts to drive by the house right? ( I drive for a living so I have access to a vehicle at work )What good would that do anyhow?? I just want to see what this grandpa looks like....under my tires...just kidding. :-)

Anyway, I'm rambling again....don't know how to put my thoughts together in any sensible fashion anymore. I'm not really the forum kind of person, but I do think this is doing me good to get this out somehow....

Thanks