As always, thanks for the advice, 1210. I appreciate your insights on what to do and not to do.
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3. Bring the parents a gift
As far as a gift for them, that's not something that we would normally do in this situation, and I don't want even THAT to seem like I'm overcompensating. Since this is the first time we've been to their second home (their first home is five minutes from our home...), maybe it would be a nice gesture to bring them something as a housewarming gift? If so, do I ask H about it or just go and get something?
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When you visit his parents, just be yourself
This is so funny... I asked H how he wanted me to act (so as to be sure what his expectations are and not to upset him). He said "just be yourself." LOL
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4. If you and hubby stay in the same room at night...let him make any advances...but if he doesn't - don't be upset
So I also asked him about this - I know this is a biggie in our R and wanted to make sure that I handle it right, within his comfort zone. He said he didn't want to think about it right now (what's new?)... So I told him then if I did "cop a feel" if he would just slap me away, and he said he would and grinned at me...
So, do I just take nightshirts to sleep in, crawl in to bed on my side of the bed (we WILL be sleeping in the same room as far as I know), and just lie there? And if he DOES make any advances, WHAT DO I DO?????? Please help on this one!!!!!!
When he initially decided earlier today that we weren't going to go, he was wavering back and forth, and when I said "is it because you don't want to sleep in the same bed with me?" (meaning a "con" for not going). He immediately said at that point that he was going to call his parents to cancel... So I have a feeling that may be a sore point... But then when I asked him tonight, he said he didn't want to think about it and he'd slap me if I overacted???
It's so hard, because he says he WANTS ME TO BE ME!!! Well, if ME wants to be with him, do I still not and let him be the to advance anything? Do I ASK him if he wants to be intimate (if I feel like being intimate)? Last time on our trip, I know I kept asking him if he wanted to be intimate with me, and sometimes he would say yes and sometimes he would say no. But I NEVER just initiated things without asking (I was trying to respect his feelings). And he NEVER initiated anything himself (go figure - when is the last time THAT happened...). And when I would ask him if he wanted to, he would always say something like "is that what YOU want?"
Also, the day we came home from our trip, I asked him if ML to me made him feel closer to me. He said that he enjoyed ML to me but that he felt like I was only doing it because I thought HE wanted it... I asked him if there was something I did or said or didn't say or do that made him feel that way, and of course I got the old "I don't know..."
Thoughts????
Everything else you suggested I can handle and will do my very best at. I DON'T want to mess this up. And I DO realize that when we get back, things will most likely go back to exactly the way they are now...
I'm just going to focus on relaxing and being ME to the best of my ability... and try to let this hurt go away, if even for a few days...
One more thing I wanted to ask you about that struck me as odd... I asked him tonight when we had decided to go if he was only doing it because I made him feel guilty (yes, 2940 did a major backslide - talked about never being able to see the parents second house if we didn't go - not being able to envision my future without his family in it - Oh, dear, not good....). But then, we hadn't really talked about his parents trip the rest of our discussion - just R talk. He told me a couple of times that he was going to call the parents to tell them we weren't coming, and I kept stopping him but wouldn't say anything about the trip (other than my "poor me" escapades.... I WASN'T trying to make him feel guilty - honest - I just want him to THINK and know how much I care...) At any rate, when I finally said that I understood we needed to just be friends right now and that if we went with no pressure and just hung out, could we still go? And, without even really thinking (which is unusual for him), he said, "yes, that's fine." I about fell off my chair? Thoughts?
Secondly, I asked him if "she" would be upset about this. And he said "who?" (duh) And I said "HER." AND HE LAUGHED and said "no" - almost like "not in a million years would she be upset." And it wasn't like I took it that "no, 2940, SHE doesn't GET upset about things" like he was slamming me or comparing me to her. I didn't get that impression at all. It was almost like he was just dismissing her, almost as if she doesn't matter... I can't put my finger on it, but it really struck me as weird... What do you make of this???
Any more words of wisdom for the trip would be grately appreciated!!!
