Looks like my first thread finally locked up... I wasn't sure exactly how to add the first thread to my signature, but I at least made a tinyurl of it for now. Hopefully that will work.
At any rate, short on time tonight, so a couple quick things.
1.) Went to the therapist today. Feel a little unsure if this will be the best fit but will give it a few more sessions. Will tell you more about it later. Goals are: 1.) Figure out what I need to do at the office/encounters with him to help make myself feel better. 2.) Figure out WHY I want to stay with him.
2.) Had a MAJOR backslide today. Came to office and asked H about parents' trip - was planning on just saying I wasn't going and leaving it at that, but backslid into my old self - wanted to know if he wanted me to go. Anyway, to make a VERY LONG story short for now, ended up bawling and talking for a few hours again. Don't want to talk about it now - I know you're all going to beat me up, and I already know it was wrong...
3.) H originally said we/he/I weren't goint to go, but now we are going - together. I know all of your skin is cringing and you're screaming at me through the computer right now. I know I'm probably making a mistake. I know all of this, believe me. I'm sorry, as I know I'm disappointing you all. It may backfire and completely end things. I pray that it does not.
I won't be logging on here while we're gone (unless an EMERGENCY comes up and I need help), so I'll be back next Wednesday. I'm not leaving until tomorrow night, so if you have any advice for me for the best way to handle myself/how to act/etc. while we're on our trip, I would GRATELY appreciate it.
But please save the beating me up until I get back. I've had such a hard, emotional day and don't think I can take it right now. I want to go off on a good note and in a positive state of mind and with some good tools to hopefully do the right things while we're gone. Please help me for now with the decision I've made and any suggestions you have for the best outcome possible, and you can beat me up as much as you want when we get back, okay?
Please keep believing in me and be patient with me! Your support means the world to me. In the end,I take full responsibility for the decisions that I make and just ask for your guidance and understanding along the way. I'm not pefect, and I guess I'm just not ready to completely let go yet, even though I know it's probably the right thing to do and our best - or ONLY - chance of making it. So, since I've already made the decision to go, PLEASE help me with some tools and guidance to not mess things up when I'm gone and to hopefully make some sort of headway, if you think that's possible.
