It seems your DB coach was against Retrouvaille at first:
Joann gave me the same advice my SSM friends here already suggested, that now is not the time to go to a Retrouvaille weekend.
But here, she asked you, rather than tell you:
Joann, my DB coach, asked me if I thought suggesting the Retrouvaille weekend would bring my wife closer, push her away or have a neutral effect? My observations and intuition suggest that discussing the R weekend would have the effect of pushing her away from me.
Maybe your coach is having second thoughts? Maybe she should, especially in light of the reaction your wife gave you:
Last night at our MC, when I expressed my desire to be able to see her at least once a week in the upcoming months of separation, she was very amenable. I said that I hoped we could remain close friends during the separation, and she instantly kissed me and gave me a very tight hug that lasted longer than I expected. She told me that was her hope too.
If you think much of your problems grew out of you being too distant from your wife, and assuming she is seeing the OM to be closer to someone, not farther from them, why would Retrouvaille not be the right thing to do? Perhaps the original hypothesis on how to deal with your wife should be re-thought? I'm not saying I know the correct strategy, but something tells me your current path may need some tweaking.
