I am in tears after reading your post. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It means so much to me to hear from you and others that I am not a bad person or a coward for not wanting to go on with this.
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What I will have to deal with in the near future is a LS. Here is my dilemma:
H has agreed to my taking the kids to Disney World this summer. It will be an expensive trip--probably around $4,000. When I asked him about it (right after he told me about ow and was feeling guilty), he said fine and then he would do inexpensive things with them. Now, what that means is that he expects that we will still have a joint account at that time.
I also am still waiting for new windows to be put in (around $1,200) and want to put in a fan vent in the bathroom. I don't know if I should go ahead with the LS while all these things are still in flux. I would like to get all the financial stuff tidied away, but at the same time, I really don't want to wait anymore and wonder how much of MY $ he's spending on ow.
Does anyone have any ideas/opinions on this? My mother's is to just wait till everything's done, but I really don't know if I want to do that, esp with his $500 phone bills.
Here is an email I've drafted. I'd like some input on it:
H,
I have a few things that I wanted to get down on paper. I know that you will be better able to think about this after Monday, but I will just plant the seed in your mind.
I would like to come up with a Separation Agreement soon, esp regarding financial issues. I am willing to try mediation in order to save money.
In the meantime, I think we should both be careful of what debt we incur, particularly as I will be responsible for part of it, and as you know, I earn far less money than you do.
I would appreciate it if you would use your spending money ($100 wk) to pay for things with and for your girlfriend, as I do not think it is fair for me to be subsidizing your relationship.
Also, I don’t know if you realize this, but the bonuses that you received last summer and at Christmas are half mine, legally. Since you removed them in their entirety from the joint account, you actually owe me that money. That is what I intend to use to pay for the Disney trip this summer.
Finally, for some reason, when I accessed my wireless bill a few weeks ago, I got yours. As you knows, it was $500! I didn't check what you spent it on, but I'm guessing you've been doing a lot of texting to your girlfriend. Again, I don't think I should be paying for that. It is disrespectful.
[This section should probably not be here right now. I want to say it, but I have a lot more to say and I'm not sure this is the right time.]
H, I have tried really hard to be respectful of you and cordial towards you throughout the vast majority of this. And yet, you continue to act in a cowardly and disrespectful manner. I know that you've been seeing this woman for a few months, not a few weeks. D10 told me in Nov that she'd met her. Yet you continue to lie.
I promised to wait for the filing until your case was done out of respect and caring for YOU, and yet you do not have the guts or respect to wait before dating or, at least, tell me.
I do hope that you will find it in yourself to look at the way you've treated me for the last several YEARS, and think about whether or not you have really resolved your personal issues. I would also like to hear an apology from you for the cruelty with which you treated me. Before you ask me one more time why I have low self-esteem, at least do that.
N
TIA for any advice, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
