Mr & Mrs cac-- I love that you two are communicating so beautifully through this board. I'm sure many others, like me, are envious. (That's a 4 thing.)
"The heart diagnosis didn't cause the SSM, but I think in a way it sealed its fate. It thrust us into survival mode. It thrust us into a crisis that continues to impact us. I can't help but wonder how our relationship might have changed/grown/improved if you had been able to live your dream. "
Health issues definitely skew the dynamics of the R. It was so distressing to my H to feel his strength and his manliness slipping away. After the kidney transplant, two heart attacks, a hip replacement, a leg amputation... and of course worsening ED all along...
I didn't know him as a young man, but once I saw a short 8mm film of him in his 20's when he was a medivac (dustoff) pilot-- the one word that jumped out at me was VIRILE. The man I eventually met and married was a shadow of that. Part of that was due to health, and part of it was due to living with a Type 1 (my way or the highway) woman for almost 30 years. Those two things wore him down. I caught glimpses of the virility after I knew him, but those glimpses were few and far between. I know he was brave (Silver Star from VietNam, plus the requisite Purple Heart). He bore his illness bravely... but it was very, very hard...
