C, yes, you are right about that. I felt pangs of guilt again when I read the others' replies about their honeymoons. I'm trying to focus my energy on the present/future, though, and not on regrets of the past.
All of the stuff I described in my thread was what I believe set the stage for the poor SL. Then we had a wedding and honeymoon. Then we continued the poor SL.
The heart diagnosis didn't cause the SSM, but I think in a way it sealed its fate. It thrust us into survival mode. It thrust us into a crisis that continues to impact us. I can't help but wonder how our relationship might have changed/grown/improved if you had been able to live your dream.
