I understand, dont' worry about my request, it s ok now.
I'm also kinda falling into a bit of a whole recalling stuff that's dead and dead and almost screwed it up by laying my misery onto H, but I'm fighting it.
As for your H, he prob doesn't want to change thus he drags/refuses to reach an agreement w/him, he is trying to ignore the consecuences of his actions so he doesn't look like he is wrong/messing up.
When is the last time you guys saw a MC?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
For some reason I can't seem to receive or send private messages. When I tried to send you one it said you were over your limit. Is this working for others? Do you ever get PMs?
My H and I go to the MC every other week. It does help greatly with communication. I think of it as our biweekly "safe-communication spot." I could talk anytime about anything, but I think my husband is a little more guarded and he seems to have moments he wants to talk and others he's tired of it. So if I try to do this on my own I'm either over-communicating (make sure everything is getting out too much for his comfort) or under-communicating (giving him space and appearing disinterested).
Sometimes it's really hard for me to know when it's the right time for this. But having a regular set time really helps. I figure my husband and I may need to do this the rest of our married life. Do you and your husband go to MC as well? Do you find it helpful? I've come to realize it's almost a necessity in my marriage because our communication styles are just so different. We're also polar opposites in personality!!! So that just adds to the difficulty.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
nope, never got any, I wonder what's up with that.
My H and I used to go weekly right after he came back, (for about 4mths) then he had to go away for training and I'd only see him on weekends. Our MC was great, but we haven't seen him in ages, also because our insurance doesnt' work w/him and we can't seem to find another person that isnt'him. IT did help us a lot, and now and then I wish we could go see him.
As for communication styles, ours is pretty different too, so we must keep in mind that body language is also a huge chunk of the communication style, I keep myself in check and really try to remember that I might mean to be saying the right thing but my facial expresions might be saying another-- just food for thought
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
One regret I have is that my husband and I didn't keep up with MC in the past, not to work on problems, but to help insure communication. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference with the A, but it always seems like by the time we go into MC it's usually too later or after something bad happened.
The thing I realize now is that by going minimally once a month (that's only 12 times per year!!!), just to have a regular set "date" to talk about things we might be thinking about, or concerned about, in a safe environment with a neutral party is REALLY important. Even if it's not on our insurance, and even if we're not having any big problems, this is something I think my husband and I need to do the rest of our married life. I don't care how expensive it is, it's A LOT cheaper than a divorce!!!!
I know what you mean about the facial inconsistencies. One thing that drives my husband batty is I tend to smile when I'm angry (and mean). He takes it as me enjoying being mean when really it's something I do when I'm uncomfortable. It's kind of like someone laughing when something terrible happens. They aren't laughing because they think it's funny, it's just one of those odd responses people sometimes have.
I don't think the PMs work. If you want you can email me on my yahoo acct. comtesse_de_provence @yahoo.com
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I haven't seen your name in awhile! But it's nice to read it again. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low. I'll go look for your thread today. Just try to hang in there. My closest friend who has been in a very long depression with her divorce (I could never get her to DB, but I did get her to GAL!!!), is finally starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. So it will happen... just hang in there!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Got really busy yesterday with my son's science project and then got called in to work two jobs today!!! So very busy, but I just went over there.... detach and GAL, detach and GAL!!!! Easier said than done and very difficult when the kids are tanking. I know my son is a casualty in all this as well. Even if you save the marriage the kids can still come out scarred. You just have to do your best, and try to be the best parent and support to them that you can.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
