Starting to really piece it back together

[cat03]

listen hon, there is one thing we women tend to do in these situations. We tend to idealize the old M and hope that our present R turns into what it was when all was well. We tend to fantacize about how it used to be, about how sacred it was. If you remember your life pre-bombs, back then you wouldn't care less how "pure" your M was.

You are crying over spilled milk, and in the process you are not moving forward. The truth is, M is hard work always, and because neither you or me paid it enough attention that we found ourselves in this sitch.Whenver I start getting angry and rehashing the stuff my H and the ow did together, when I obsess about how dare he did this to me I force myself to remember what I did to him. All the years of nagging, of putting him last in my priorities, of refusing him sex 8 out of 10 times.
Yes, an A is horrible, but I also broke my vows by being a lousy wife.

You remember that, we were part of the problem too, and our Hs were so miserable they tried to drown their misery by leaving and by trying to find solace elsewhere. Both partners are at fault, I am not putting the blame on only one of them.

So you can either feel sorry that things aren't as you dreamed, or you can decide to love like you haven't been hurt and show your H that he is back w/a loving sweet wife who said she'd forgave him.